After Two Strikes, Man Pretty Confident He Could Be a Professional Bowler
BURKE, VIRGINIA— After getting two strikes in a row during a casual bowling outing, Chris Stevenson, 36, became “pretty” confident that — if he wanted to — he could totally— with a little effort — become a professional bowler in the near future. After Stevenson knocked down his second strike, one of his friends jokingly said, “oh sh*t looks like we’ve got a professional in the house!” Stevenson reportedly laughed off the suggestion, shrugged his shoulders and meekly said, “ I guess it’s just my lucky night.”
But Stevenson’s modesty was staged because deep down inside he began to quickly suspect he might possess the natural ability and hand-eye coordination to one day be a bowling god — making several thousands of dollars, winning tournaments and being regularly featured on ESPN 6. As Stevenson feigned more humility with statements like, “I have no idea how this is even happening” and “yeah, I wish,” he began fantasizing about his face grazing national bowling publications, giving interviews regularly and racking up endorsements from major corporations.
Stevenson — a man who bowls once every two and a half years and isn’t entirely sure how bowling scoring works — assumed if he bowled “like once or twice every weekend” he could “probably become a professional bowler.” But Stevenson also figured that if he bowled “like every day,” he had a viable chance at being the “best professional bowler to ever do it.” As his other friends bowled, Stevenson even began thinking about how he could revolutionize the sport. “You know, I’d be like the Tiger Woods or Serena Williams of bowling. Turn a lame sport into something cool,” thought Stevenson.
At press time, Stevenson’s dreams were quickly deflated when he followed his two strikes with three gutter balls.
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