ATTENTION GOYA: Donald Trump HATES Hispanic People, Black People, & Women. In Other News, Water is Wet and Fire is Hot.
GOYA-F**K Yourself!
Here is the letter that I sent to GOYA’s Distribution and Marketing Department. I really did this. I figured it was the one department at Goya Foods, (maker of food-like substances), that would actually take the time to read my note.
Hi,
I have a small chain of retail locations currently considering carrying GOYA products.I’m hoping you can provide information as to some of GOYA’s near future advertising efforts to ascertain potential sales.
So, my buyer specifically wants to know if your CEO will be praising Hitler, Putin, Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, the KKK, or Gary Glitter in the near future as our customers are mostly racist maniacs with zero survival instincts and Goya seems a good fit for their moral and dietary needs.
Please send a price list at your convenience
Thanks,
SR
CEO of “Food for Maniacs- Market & Emporium”.
So, Today, I’d like to address a little thing called “MARKETING”. The “IMAGE” of a product or brand.
Companies pay billions per year to influence your feelings. The way you view a brand. How do you feel when you see it on a shelf? Is it a part of your family?
Oh, my cherished and deeply adored and beloved readers, let me ask your opinion. —
If GOYA’s CEO, Robert Unanue, went on TV and praised David Duke and the KKK, or Adolph Hitler, or the guys who blew up that black church in Mississippi murdering those poor little girls inside as they were busy singing songs to Jesus, would you still buy or favorably view GOYA products?
*(Bonus question: What if he did it with his ass fully exposed and prominently out as he danced the Macarena? Would you be less or more likely to buy GOYA products? Discuss.)
Or… what if Robert Unanue held a press conference to wax poetic about how much he truly admired and respected Trump’s former BFF and child party cohort, Jeffery Epstein, and how he’s very sad Epstein’s child raping spree was rudely interrupted by Epstein’s blatantly staged suicide? Would that make you have a warm and familiar feeling when you pass GOYA in the aisle in the supermarket specifically reserved for “Canned Substances Somewhat Resembling Food, & Unsanitary Napkins”?
I’m guessing you probably answered that it would negatively affect how you feel about GOYA.
See, that’s GOYA’s problem. Donald Trump is a horrible racist intent on killing hundreds of thousands of us. He is a definite and self-admitted sexual assaulter who is accused of multiple rapes.
His amazingly comprehensive lack of empathy has left nearly 140,000 Americans dying all alone away from their families, their corpses cooled in massive refrigerated trucks.
He refers to Mexicans as “rapists” (oh, irony… ) and puts actual real-life human babies and small children in cages after tearing them away screaming hysterically from their parents.
So, any CEOs who want to lavishly praise Donald Trump are free to do so.
He’ll hock your products like the tenth-rate infomercial that he is, in the scant moments he has between sending out racist tweets and actively and enthusiastically hindering all efforts to stop the spread of CV-19.
Have fun with that. And if your brand overtly and enthusiastically sides with racism, hatred, and divisiveness…
Please don’t be surprised to find your products, yourselves, and your brand… BRANDED.
Written by Steven W. Rouach in his lucid moments as he watches the country formerly known as “America” collapse and die around him.
FUN FACT: Every time you give a round of applause at the bottom of the page of one of my stories, I literally leap up and take a bow. True story.
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