Author Steven Rouach Offers Free Dominican Republic Vacation to Trump. The Trip of a Lifetime!
I hear the drinks are fantastic!
Ah, lavish vacations. What a pleasure they are.
For example, it would be amazing if the US Government paid for me to go to London (as it paid for the exorbitant expenses of many of Trump’s adult children) because, sadly, I can’t otherwise afford to.
And yet, you can’t put a price on some things.
So, I’m willing to take a night job and work 20-hour shifts in order to offer Mr. Donald Trump and his son (the aptly named) Donald Trump Jr. a FREE vacation to the Dominican Republic. There’s never ever been a better time for those two nudniks to go there!
So, I’d now like to directly address Mr. Donald Trump.
1313 Asshat Lane, Treason Court, Funkytown, OU812
There. I addressed him. Now, I’d like to speak directly to Mr. Trump.
Hi, Donald!
The Dominican Republic is doing some amazing things to promote tourism, such as inventing all sorts of new and exciting soft drinks and beverages!
Currently, “Bleach-a-Cola”, “Cyanide-Cherry-Crush”, and “Pina-Kill-Lottas” are very popular local drinks specifically marketed to American tourists.
And oh, Donald, the food there surpasses the quality of Mar-a-Lago’s (despite Mar-a-Lago winning Gourmet Listeria Magazine’s coveted award for “Best Ham Stored Above 55 Degrees”)!
Now, I know there have been nasty rumors about people being poisoned in the Dominican Republic, but not to worry! You and Don Jr. will be absolutely safe! The Dominican Republic’s tourism minister, Francisco Javier García, said it’s all FAKE NEWS and no one has ever died or gotten sick in the Dominican Republic, and that American tourists actually get way healthier after staying there — (despite much evidence to the contrary).
Francisco Javier García, later went on to claim that Americans tourists are lying about dying in the Dominican Republic, as a scam the tourists themselves created in order to pay for their own funerals and burials.
So, Donald! Please let me know if you and your son Don. Jr. are indeed willing to accept my lovely gift of a FREE Dominican Republic vacation! If so, I’ll start saving and toiling to make this happen. I’m sure almost 60% of Americans would donate to this cause…
I’m truly hoping it will be the vacation of a lifetime for you both, which… would indeed benefit all Americans.
Bon Voyage!
Written by Steven W. Rouach
FUN FACT: Every time you give a round of applause at the bottom of the page of one of my stories, I literally leap up and take a bow. True story.
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