POETRY NEWZ: Stephen Miller Inaugurates The Antiheroic Epic Genre
Beowulf 2017, The Antiheroic Epic
LO, hear the praise of Stephen Miller,
LOL, ball-headed demagogue who
Sets the tone for the ages.
Behold his prowess at irritation.
Praise the pale-faced, pin-headed,
Crushed man, small, shrinking
Beyond the possibilities that size allows.
-
Born in moral squalor, in 2002, as an already
Fully-formed 17-year-old prick. Not a single
Morsel of ethics to share among this family of five.
Behold, the heir to immigrants,
Stone-set his desire to keep everyone at bay,
Hierarchizing as many populations below him
As words allow, desperate to hide his own mediocrity.
How he sways, moans, comes, if he can just make
You angry enough to pay him attention.
-
Now barely 31, a good asshole he!
Rolled into lordly burg with nothing in tow
Other than the broken fragments of his spine,
Hastily packed, rarely tended, never used,
Stuffed into a Breitbart tote bag.
The master repays him –the minstrel
amuses- for his display of outrage
hysterics, wrathful theatrics, his pointing of
a broken gangrenous finger in lieu of arguments.
-
If he may not soon be gone from the land,
Let him at least leave my screens.
Let him find his true trade elsewhere,
In Argentina perhaps? Tending the flowers
Adorning the graves of the Nazis that bolted.
A dour-to-dour salesman? Bullying great-aunts
Into buying three types of carrot peelers?
Cain’s spiritual kin, prior to reformation
And redemption. How easily he forgets
Where his brothers’ bodies are buried.
-
Such heaping of horrors the hater of men,
Lonely roamer, wrought unceasing,
Harassings heavy.*
These last three lines are from the real Beowulf, they’re just so fitting! Additional verses in the comments are reaaaaally welcome.
If you enjoyed this you might want to follow me or hit that heart down there. You might also like some of my other pieces. These seemed to be popular: Protecting White People from Affirmative Action Is Not Enough, Spicer Resigns To Spend More Time With Props, 4 Other Places Where David Brooks’ Friend Got Uncomfortable, Job Prospects For The Mooch, Trump’s crazy attorney issues an apology, and the GOP breaks irony.
