BREAKING: Bannon Comes Out
As an overrated political strategist among other things
Fictional Bureau
Washington DC
In a surprising announcement made earlier today, Steve Bannon, President Trump’s ex-counsel & ex-white house chief strategist, has come out as a failed political strategist. This is very gutsy of Steve Bannon, given that this provides an opportunistic moment for the likes of Karl Rove, to take back the Republican party from one end of the cesspool to the other end.
His official statement:
“In the past couple of years, I fully realize that I have created an illusion that I am this master political srategist, who has a long vision for the country, Republican party, and for myself.
Truth is I am an opportunistic bastard, who has no strategy. I don’t know how I got that reputation. May be because of all the hatred filled & divisive fake news website called Breitbart, which I was running. We at Breitbart simply saw a loose cannon in Trump, when everyone else was busy mocking him, and decided to ride his big mouth to the white house. That somehow worked. (Thank you Assange and Putin).
Seriously though, I have no fu**ing strategy for the country, except I know that pitting Americans against Americans, and creating a modern day civil war is a pretty good thing for us business wise. Many businessmen would agree with me. This is not my ugly white supremacy talking. This’s just my shitty conservative mind talking. We look to make money in every opportunity. And war is always a great opportunity to make easy money.
But yes, I am a proud white man who believes that this country should get rid off all roaches, Mexican loots, and flat nosed Asians (including the brown nosed ones from India & Pakistan). Simple.
People like Roy Moore are whom I place my bets on because they represent the divisive & hateful side of this country so well. Who cares about his pedophilia problem? Those easily manipulatable idiot white supremacists certainly don’t.
Listen, I haven’t figured it all out yet. I just am playing with this simple game of hate. It worked with Trump. And it has failed in 6 other cases. So…
Look! I am making enough money through all this. Let’s see how far this goes.
While I am in the mood to confess, let me also confess that I have a huge alcohol problem and I beat my women.
So, there. I have said it all.Wait! There is one more thing..
I don’t know what I would have done without Seinfeld. I would have been jail 20 years ago. May be…”.
This news is still developing..
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Disclaimer: This is a work of satire, aimed to humor those who enjoy such.
