Truth In Satire
Cory Booker Drops Out of Presidential Race After His “Vegan Shoes For Everyone” Proposal Falls Short
The NJ Senator believed his animal-free footwear plan would attract voters, “…but I guess vegan shoes just haven’t clicked yet”
Senator Cory Booker pulled out of the Democratic presidential race on Monday after his progressive program to provide “vegan shoes for every American” failed to catch on with voters.
“I’m disappointed because these animal-free shoes are not only super comfortable, they protect the lives of leather-bearing animals while being good for the environment, too,” said Mr. Booker when asked about his departure from the field. “I thought my fellow Americans would be uplifted by slipping them on.”
Booker was the only vegan running for president and believed his pioneering position to distribute “non-violent shoes” would put him over the top with Democratic voters. When that didn’t happen, he decided he couldn’t “run” for president in any shoes other than plant-based brands.
He added: “I didn’t want to be an underdog candidate going into the primary season because that’s demeaning to dogs. I’m now going to work with my team on a climate-saving and delicious “Kelp-On-Every-Table” meal program in preparation for my 2024 run.
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