Donald Trump Declares Victory Over HIV/AIDS
POTUS Disbands HIV/AIDS Advisory Council
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Donald Trump relieved of duty the entire White House HIV/AIDS Advisory Council, declaring victory over HIV/AIDS.
“H-I-V/AIDS was a terrible disease. The worst disease. I have cured it, and we don’t need to worry about it anymore,” said President Trump, speaking at Mar a Lago on New Year’s Day. “I personally had intercourse with a large, randomly selected trial group of teenagers, all from Eastern Europe, very very hot ones, tens, with boobies out to here, and I don’t have AIDS. And I was unprotected. Unprotected! So unprotected. I probably got them all pregnant with my very manly, very fertile sperm that definitely does not produce retards,” he continued.
Dr. Roy Moore, President Trump’s “personal AIDS physician” spoke as well, saying that he had chosen the test candidates from his catalog of years of research based on algorithms developed by close examination of the Teen Choice Awards.
“Now that we can be sure that heterosexual females are AIDS free, we can rest assured that no heterosexual man will get it because that’s how medicine works,” said Dr. Moore. “Now only the sodomites will get it, which is like it doesn’t exist at all.”
The council’s members were notified by form letter.
“The notice ‘thanked me for my past service and said that my appointment was terminated, effective immediately,’” said Dr. Patrick Sullivan, an Emory epidemiologist and HIV testing expert. “It also said I should thank God I’m not ‘a damned sodomite, cursed by God to suffer with the Holy Affliction.’”
