Donald Trump Threatens To Hold Breath If White House Shuts Off FOX News
WASHINGTON — Donald Trump wants to make sure that every television in the White House is spewing sewage from FOX News, and he’ll go to great lengths to get there. A senior official, who to spoke under the condition of anonymity, said that the president was going to hold his breath if anyone dared touch his remote.
“It was bizarre watching a man in his 70s act this childish,” said the official. “But, then again, it’s what we’re used to. We’re just lucky he didn’t threaten to take off his clothes and sit nude in the Oval Office.”
Trump has gushed about FOX on numerous occasions. On Tuesday night, he told everyone to tune into Sean Hannity on Twitter before deleting the remarks. That network is one of the few who refuses to talk objectively about the president, and that’s the chief reason to believe why he likes them so much.
“I can’t listen to FOX anymore,” continued the official. “The amount of nonsense they say is enough to make a baby cry.
“Around 8 a.m. I went to see president Trump in his room. He was sitting down and already on his seventh diet coke. I told him that we had important matters to attend to and that he needed to turn off the television. His reply was confounding.”
Here’s the official transcription:
“Don’t tell me what to do. Do you know who I am? Do ya!? I’m the President of the United States. If you change that channel, I’m gonna hold my breath until I’m blue in the face. Would you like that? I could do it, too. I invented breathing. No one can hold in more air than me. Once, I didn’t breathe for 47 minutes. Obama’s best wasn’t even 15 seconds. Eventually, I’d pass out. But that’s OK because I also invented waking up. Crooked Hillary’s emails.”
