Questions for Jill Stein (and her monster)

QUESTION: Jill Stein, you’re a third party candidate running in a two party system. You’re polling between one and three percent, which in polling terms is about half of a rounding error. It is impossible for you to win even one state in this election.

JILL STEIN: It’s not about winning. It’s about feeling good about who you’re voting for.

Q: Voting for you accomplishes nothing.

JS: But it feels good. It makes you feel better than other people. And isn’t that what’s important?

Q: Why should voters throw their votes away?

JS: We’re the Green Party. We care about the environment. It’s not throwing your vote away. Think of it as putting it in the Recycle Bin.

Q: But you can’t win.

JS: Our goal isn’t winning. We want to build a stronger Green Party.

Q: By weakening the Democratic party? Ensuring that neither one can win?

JS: Our only goal is to take 5 percent of the vote, which otherwise would have gone to Hillary.

Q: Thus clinching the election for Trump.

JS: Hey, you can’t make an omelette without breaking a country.

Q: You have no political experience, and you’re running against a former Senator and Secretary of State, who is frankly one of the most experienced candidates in US history.

JS: Voters are tired of the corruption in Washington. They want an outsider, not a politician. Someone like …

Q: Donald Trump.

JS: Look, people are fed up with the Democratic Party. They want someone who can make America great — er, green again.

Q: A question to third party voters. On election day, either Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump will win. Are you supporting Donald Trump?

THIRD PARTY VOTER: Of course not. He’s an out of control racist bigot who only cares about himself. He’d destroy our country and make us a joke on the world stage.

Q: So you’re voting for Hillary.

3PV: Of course not. Hillary is the real enemy here. She’s a million billion times worse than Trump.

Q: Why is that?

3PV: Oh, Benghazi and emails or, I don’t know, we’ll think of something.

Q: Which party do you prefer, the Democrats or the Republicans?

3PV: The Democrats, obviously. The Republicans have gone off the deep end. Trump could be America’s Hitler.

Q: So you support the Democratic party.

3PV: No, they’re hopelessly corrupt. They’re the real enemy here.

Q: But are they worse than the Republicans?

3PV: Given those choices, I would vote Democrat. But I will never, ever vote for Hillary.

Q: Who is the Democratic nominee.

3PV: I’m sorry you drank the Kool-Aid, comrade. Enjoy being a sellout to the man.

Q: On election day, one of two people will win. Are you supporting Hillary or Trump?

3PV: I’m supporting Jill Stein.

Q: But we’re in a two party system. Jill Stein is polling between one and three percent and has zero chance of winning even one state.

3PV: Polls aren’t real. Anything could happen. Any minute now, they’re gonna throw Hillary in prison and then Jill Stein will be President by default! I saw it on cable news!

Q: Aren’t you afraid of a President Trump?

3PV: Don’t you get it? Trump isn’t real! He’s an actor. Hillary is the worst candidate in the history of the world. She needed a supervillain to run against. They hired an actor named Billy Shears and he replaced Paul McCartney! Paul is dead! Trump isn’t real. Elections aren’t real. Voting isn’t real. What has voting ever done for anybody?

Q: Well, in 2000, we had a very similar situation. Bill Clinton’s longtime partner was running for President, against a GOP candidate who seemed like a loudmouthed fool. A lot of voters voted Green Party, knowing that Ralph Nader couldn’t win, but wanting to send a message. A lot of those voters now wish they could take that vote back and save us from the total economic crash that followed.

3PV: The two parties are the same, don’t you get it?

Q: Tell that to a million dead Iraqis.

3PV: None of it is real! Our votes don’t matter. None of it matters!

Q: The election was close enough that it was settled in Florida, under very suspicious circumstances, overseen by George W. Bush’s brother Jeb. And then decided finally by the Supreme Court, who leaned Republican. Effectively, it was a stolen election, and just a handful of votes could have swung it in Gore’s favor.

3PV: President Gore wouldn’t have changed anything. Just more of the same.

Q: Well, President George W. Bush started endless wars in Iraq and Afghanistan which cost between 4 and 6 trillion and crashed the American economy, leading to record unemployment. The price of gas rose as Americans found themselves without work.

3PV: And what have the Democrats done about that? Nothing!

Q: Under President Obama, the economy has slowly recovered, with a record breaking and historic long run of job growth that continues today. We’ve also seen the start of a universal health care system, and rights like gay marriage. All this under unprecedented obstruction from the Republicans in Congress, who have refused to do anything at all while Obama is in office.

3PV: Oh, I love Obama.

Q: Did you love Bernie Sanders?

3PV: Of course.

Q: President Obama, Bernie Sanders, and Elizabeth Warren have endorsed Clinton and are campaigning for her right now.

3PV: She KIDNAPPED Bernie! He HAD to endorse her otherwise she’d do a BENGHAZI on his entire family!

Q: This is party politics — the Democratic Party versus the Republican one. Turning everything into a personal attack on one woman distracts from the real issues at stake.

3PV: Exactly. Whatever works. I’m an agent of chaos, baby.

Q: Would you rather vote for a Democrat, or for Donald Trump?

3PV: Obviously I’d vote for the Democrat. But I’ll never vote for Hillary. She killed a million Americans in Benghazi with her emails. I saw it on cable news.

Q: Do you think it’s possible that cable news isn’t portraying Hillary Clinton accurately but rather trying to turn her into an offensive caricature of herself? Like, for the past twenty-five years or so?

3PV: BENGHAZI. Also she’s dying and she needs to smile more. She’s gonna take your guns and kill you with her death panels!

Q: How much cable news did you do?

3PV: ALL OF IT. Anyway Hillary is a centrist! I want a President who represents all Americans!

Q: Even Republicans?

3PV: No, of course not. Okay, I want a President who represents only some Americans. Not Republicans or anyone from the South.

Q: But the President represents all Americans. It’s a centrist post by its very nature.

3PV: The Democratic party is unfixably corrupt and American Politics is a cesspool of hot garbage.

Q: Okay, on that we agree. So what happens on election day if Trump wins?

3PV: NOTHING HAPPENS. NONE OF IT IS REAL. THERE ARE NO CONSEQUENCES TO ANYTHING. VOTING IS MEANINGLESS. I don’t HAVE to vote for Hillary! It’s not ILLEGAL to vote for someone else!

Q: So that’s why you’re voting for Jill Stein. Because to you, voting is meaningless.

3PV: Oh, I’m not voting for anyone. I don’t vote.

Q: So why am I listening to you?

3PV: BECAUSE I’M CONSTANTLY STARTING ARGUMENTS ON YOUR FACEBOOK PAGE. HILLARY IS ACTUALLY THE DEVIL. AND ISN’T IT SOOO CONVENIENT THAT SUDDENLY THIS SO-CALLED ‘TRUMP’ JUST APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE MAKING IT SEEM LIKE VOTING FOR HER IS THE SENSIBLE CHOICE AND THAT I’M THE UNREASONABLE ONE. IIIIII’M THE UNREASONABLE ONE. IIIIII’M THE UNREASONABLE ONE.

Q: Well, can’t argue with that.

3PV: No. Argue with me. Please. I desperately need attention.

Q: Jill Stein, you’re a medical doctor. Why are you supporting such paranoid quackery as linking vaccines to autism and linking Wi-Fi to cancer?

JILL STEIN: It gets votes from a certain segment of the population. Look, people have questions. And some people won’t believe the answers no matter how many times they’re told. That’s my target audience.

3PV: WHATEVER YOU SAID SHE SAID SHE DIDN’T SAY! JILL STEIN STANDS FOR WHATEVER YOU WANT HER TO! SHE’S PRO GOOD THINGS AND ANTI BAD THINGS.

Q: Jill Stein, the Green Party, under Ralph Nader, accepted funding from conservative sources in order to sabotage Al Gore’s campaign. Why are you doing the same to Hillary Clinton? Aren’t you afraid of a President Trump?

JS: I’m not trying to stop Donald Trump. I’m trying to stop Hillary Clinton.

Q: So you’re not concerned about Trump.

3PV: He’s not a real candidate! He can’t win! He’s only polling at, what?

Q: One or three points less than Hillary. Sometimes two points higher.

3PV: Jill Stein is the only real candidate!

Q: Because she’s polling at one or three points, period. Points which could be going to stop Trump.

3PV: TRUMP ISN’T REAL. IT’S SHEEPLE LIKE YOU THAT STILL BELIEVE IN THE MOON LANDING. WATCH ALEX JONES.

JS: It’s like the Joker said. It’s not about winning. It’s about sending a message. Everything burns.

3PV: BURN IT DOWN! BURN IT ALL DOWN!

Q: You realize the Joker was the villain, right?

JS: Don’t talk that way about my puddin’.