Easy Ways to Avoid Sharks (with Pictures)
Much to my surprise, my search on “what do sharks swim in” returned neither “water” nor “sea” / ”ocean”.
To my perplexity, it did return “How To Prevent a Shark Attack.”
I mean, even I don’t need to click on the link and read the answer to know that it has to be “Don’t go anywhere where sharks are to be found.”
And “What do sharks do for fun?”
Really?
What kind of question is that?
Sharks don’t have fun … they are soulless and just kill every living thing with which they come into contact, without even enjoying it as they do so.
“3 Easy Ways to Avoid Sharks (with Pictures)” though … that’s just genius:
Him: “What are we going to do with all these photos that don’t contain a single shark, man!? Hey!? What are we going to do with them!?”
Her: “It’s simple … we’ll publish a book of photos and title it 3 Easy Ways to Avoid Sharks (with Pictures) and, because there are no sharks in the photos, people will know the advice is sound and recommend the book to everyone — it’ll be a bestseller in no time, we’ll make millions, retire young and live in the Caribbean (somewhere where there are no sharks, obviously).”
I think they should entitle it Easy Ways to Avoid Sharks (with Pictures) myself … it’s less limiting and they could use more photos … but I guess they know their business and market — maybe they’re planning to bring out 3 More Easy Ways to Avoid Sharks (with Pictures) … or even a series ¹.
It seems a little weird … even niche maybe … but, if the reviews are anything to go by, the following has been surprisingly successful …
… even this, it would seem …
… so why not photos of construction-sites, football fields and suchlike in a book about ways to avoid sharks?
In fact … I think I might publish it myself — if the Amazon reviews of various products are anything to go by it should be a huge success … a bestseller in no time².
The guy in the picture at the top of this piece, for instance … he doesn’t seem troubled by sharks, does he?
So … if you want to avoid sharks, go where he is in that photo.
Or Zürich airport …
It’s not like I’ve seen sharks at any of the airports I’ve ever been to in my life, but I don’t have photographic evidence and can’t state with certainty that you’ll never encounter a shark at one — I think, however, that it’s pretty clear Zürich airport at least is shark-free … and, if you want to plan a journey guaranteed to be free of any shark encounters, I’d be hard pressed to think of anywhere more suitable than there.
Or the Sahara desert …
I don’t know what time of year is best to go there but the people in that photo definitely don’t seem troubled by sharks, so maybe you should look into that and make it your next sharkless destination too.
There you go … that’s three places you could go to easily avoid sharks already.
Wait until I publish the books though … they’ll be chock full of other destinations (with photos) you can go and relax, safe in the knowledge that sharks are the least of your worries — it’s gonna be huge, I tell you … a bestseller!
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¹ More Easy Ways to Avoid Sharks (with Pictures), Even More Easy Ways to Avoid Sharks (with Pictures), Yet More Easy Ways to Avoid Sharks (with Pictures) … you can see how that one works — they needn’t shoot any more photos for years to come.
² I’ll make millions, retire young and live in the Caribbean (somewhere where there are no sharks, obviously).
