Forget about Gun Control: Bullet Control

Abel Cohen
Extra Newsfeed
Published in
3 min readFeb 25, 2018
Everything you need to make your own bullets: a lot. Could be a good deterrent for lazy, entitled dipshit Mericans who feel the sociopathic urge to shoot one another.

Everyone’s always talking about gun control, but why not bullet control? It takes a lot to make your own bullets, like all the equipment seen here plus lots of cartridges, gun powder, primers, and the projectiles themselves. It also takes loads of time, which is crucially important in the quest to deter all the braindead, ADD pay-check livers who populate America from killing our kids.

Gunlovers and godfearers will counter with at least three points well known to those who rub shoulders with real America for longer than one campaign:

  1. Outlawing bullet sales won’t matter because skilled hand-loaders press out half a thousand rounds per hour (rph), which is still a shitload of them.
  2. And those guys would just sell it on the deep web black market blockchain were big gubmint to illegalize retail and wholesale of bullets.
  3. Which would once again mean all yer librul laws can’t stop a bad guy with a gun; the only thing can do that is a good guy with one!

En garde hillbilly bitches. Most of the parents’ basement dwellers and rural manchildren I grew up with — who now suddenly think it’s okay to come out the closet in free speech drag as white supremacist, sexist, homophobe bigots to ironically prove that they indeed choose to be exactly whom the rest of the world has long stereotyped them to be — have neither the time nor inclination to spend hours working on anything other than the shitty jobs that barely keep their families or own single income, childless households afloat.

And the several thousand who might are easier to track down and jail than confiscating and destroying our 270 million guns. Notwithstanding the far right’s increasing monopoly on the blockchain, there’s really only one choice.

They say we can only have their guns when we pry them from their cold dead hands. Fine, keep them. Unlike many gun owners most liberals are not enthusiastic about the prospect of getting the chance to kill anyone, bad guys included. That’s the territory of good guys with guns.

This person is taken seriously in America. Fear us.

But you have to make your own bullets if the one in a million chance to play knight in shining armor and save a bunch of helpless teenage cheerleader mean girls from the trenchcoat mafia means so much to you. Easier just not to arm the loners and losers.

NRA spokesbitch Dana Loesch is right: liberals can’t run a country they’ve never been to. But I have, so send me! Fuckers won’t stand a chance. Already know all their best one-liners and have spent my life countering them.

Abel Cohen 2018. Yeah right, optimism that we’ll even make it to November is perhaps undue. By then, pubescent outcasts with machine guns and body armor will have probably closed down the schools and our freedom-loving president will have imposed martial law and canceled elections.

Kanye’s got the right idea. Maybe serves white people right that now our kids are targets too, and mass shootings are no longer restricted to black kids in the ghetto. Goes around comes around.

Because if you haven’t heard, America’s great again! So don’t overlook next year’s new back to school essential: bulletproof vests for the littlest ones in your life. If you love your children, it’s either that or arm them!

Fuck me. Question’s not why some of us hate America a little bit: it’s why the rest of you don’t; not even at all. Because some things — like regular school shootings — are indefensible.

Validate by clapping or following, either here or on twitter cult. I integrate commenters’ insights into new pieces, so thanks for the ideas too! Peace.

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