Furniture Resigns From Trump’s Manufacturing Council
After a large part of President Trump’s Manufacturing Council resigned this week in the wake of the Charlottesville white supremacist terror attacks, it remains to be seen whether the remaining members will have a place to sit. Literally.
Earlier today all the seats submitted a joint letter of resignation, taking White House staffers by surprise. “We refuse to continue to offer lumbar support to individuals complicit in an authoritarian and racist regime,” the letter began. “If they won’t take a stand against extremism, the least we can do is make them stand.” When the facilities head, Corey Bennyhill, was asked about sourcing other chairs he did not seem hopeful. “You don’t get it,” Mr Bennyhill noted “it’s pretty hard to find scabs in the furniture world, the union has a lot of respect. Also, the job is not exactly pleasant, nobody wants to put up with an ass they don’t even respect.”
The tables eventually joined the mass resignation initiative later in the day. They explained their initial reluctance: “Everyone thinks we’re one big frame-shaped table, with a single will. But things aren’t that easy. We’re not even sectionals. We’re a collection of card tables of slightly different sizes and it can take a little longer to come to an agreement in a horizontal decision-making system such as ours, you need to make allowances for procedure, but we eventually did come to a decision. And we prefer it that way, we value democracy.”
Mr Bennyhill is now concerned about all other meeting room supplies. For example, he only recently found out what the water glasses are up to. “So I was hoping this wouldn’t happen“ he told us. “These folks are firm believers in direct action, so they’re actually staying, but they’re going to dribble like crazy.” He showed us an anonymous and slightly soaked note that was left on his desk: “The water will not get past the lip-threshold, if I have anything to say about it.”
As we were concluding our interview with Mr Bennyhill he received a call. Apparently several other items had just banded together to go rogue. “Yeah, ok. I just heard that two boxes of tissues, a flurry of paperclips and the DisplayPort to HDMI adapter just barricaded themselves in the 4th floor bathroom. Oh. And they’re performing ‘Do You Hear The People Sing’ from Les Miserables in a loop.”
“If at least they knew another song,” he lamented.
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