GENEVA CONTENTION
This Weak in Politics, Vol. 251
June 17, 2021
After a 6 month I hate us, we have decided it is time to bring TWITPOL back! We have all been through a lot these past 6 months, and we figured it is time to remind us all that no matter how much the world bugs us, it’s cicada laugh at bad puns.
To the news!
What a difference an election makes! President Joe Biden, fresh off of shoving absolutely no-one out of the way to get his fat ass in a photo, this week went to Geneva for a long-awaited meeting with GOP Party Chairman Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin.
The summit was a drastic departure from the previous summit, with this one featuring a US President and a Russian President, rather than just two Russian presidents.
You may recall that at the 2018 Helsinki Summit, President Donald Vladimirovich Trump got into some hot water (to take a lovely and sexy bath, according to Republicans) when he took the word of his country’s intelligent services over the US intelligence services on matters of Russian meddling in the 2016 presidential “election.”
At that 2018 summit, Putin presented an eager Trump with a soccer ball. In contrast, at the 2020 summit Putin offered no such gifts and Biden, unlike his predecessor, showed zero interest in fondling Putin’s balls.
Biden, whose first foray into Russian politics dates back to Tsar Nicholas II, kept expectations low and signaled a return to normalcy for the United States. The president made a decision to not share a press conference with Putin, depriving Putin some of the theatrics at which he has excelled during his entire dictatorship. Instead, the two presidents held individual press conferences following their summit.
It proved to be a wise move, as Putin and his team had plans in place to work their stagecraft magic to highlight Putin’s true agenda. The edited staging was only viewable on Russia state media (TASS, Russia Today, Fox News, OANN, and the Comrade Carlson show). Below is a screen grab of the backdrop.
Another significant difference between this summit and the last summit was the level of preparation put into the effort. In the 2018 summit, Trump was woefully unprepared, much to the pride and pleasure of Republicans, and Putin, who has dealt with useful idiots his entire career, required no preparation to deal with Trump.
This year, there was significant preparation undertaken by both sides, and both sides had teams of communicators in place. Senators Ron Johnson, Ted Cruz and John Barrasso (yes, he is actually a senator, we googled it) advocated on behalf of their president, while the US president had Secretary of State Tony Blinken, Under Secretary Victoria Neuland.
And the press covered every second of it. Well, the American press. Fox was busy looking into Hillary’s emails and CNN was searching for a missing Malaysian jetliner.
Biden’s performance didn’t come without at least one hiccup. (Or is it hiccough? If you know, or if you are Olivia Munn, please drop us a line.) At the conclusion of the summit, Biden snapped at a reporter who, in his view, put words in his mouth. True to form, though, Biden came back and apologized. He admitted he was being short. Diplomatic observers claim “short” comment was one final shot at Putin. Strengthening their argument was this photo released by the White House following Air Force One’s departure:
Back home in the US, much of Biden’s early domestic agenda awaits its fate as key votes loom on two major issues: infrastructure and voting rights. As is often the case, it comes down to color. Republicans see too much red in the infrastructure bill and too much black in the voting rights bill.
On the subject of race and Capitol Hill, on Thursday President Biden signed into law an act making Juneteenth a federal holiday. For those of you who went to school in the United States, we should let you know — Juneteenth marks the day in June, 1865 when the last slaves held in the confederate state of Texas were notified of their emancipation — even though the act freeing them took effect in 1863, and the rebels fighting the proclamation surrendered in April of 1865. Texas’s then Governor Hiram Jefferson Jubal Early Greg Abbott blamed the delay on Ye Olde’ Green New Deal.
While the Juneteenth holiday passed the US Senate unanimously, it wasn’t as easy a lift as the score shows. Both Ron Vladimirovich Johnson and James Lankford blocked the bill in past years and were opposed this year as well (though ultimately caving) because they didn’t think it made sense to give federal employees more time off. The two Republicans managed to sandwich their changes of mind between their Memorial Day recess and their 4th of July recess. (Neither of these should be mistaken for their summer recess or their Labor Day break, mind you.)
In the US House of Representatives, the vote wasn’t as clean cut — 14 Republicans voted against the bill. Many, like the aforementioned Senators, opposed the law on the grounds that federal employees don’t deserve any more time off. (Maybe they think the benefits of their time off will trickle-down to others?) Others objected to the use of the term “Independence Day” in the law, and still others believe this is critical race theory run amok: “Juneteenth? Those people need to get over it. Besides, it is a made up and offensive word. Fucking libtards.”
Here’s hoping they enjoy their new day off.
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