GOP GOTV 2022
The Republicans have a secret plan to win it all back!
ORLANDO — Some of the brightest minds at the 2021 Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) are disgusted.
“It’s not for nothing that the biggest news here is that silly statue,” fumed one official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, not having authorization to make official comments.
He was referring to the golden colored life-sized statue of former President Trump which is garnering much more attention than many of the speakers at the four-day affair.
He was also referring to the apparent lack of fresh ideas coming out of the conference. According to this official, “We’re in trouble and nobody gives a damn.”
A friend of his waved some numbers from Gallup, showing a double digit decline in favorability of the GOP among the general public over the last three decades. The trend is disquieting, to say the least.
Add the party’s six point freefall in approval since the election and, as the friend put it, “A hundred years ago, we ran this country. A century later, nobody loves us. We’re fracked.”
Still, as the day passes, one can hear other ideas percolating, including a Top Secret (TS) Republican National Committee (RNC) Get Out The Vote (GOTV) plan for 2022 to recapture the House and Senate. A copy of the highly secret plan was acquired by this intrepid reporter.
A Wholly Different Approach
Citing Democrats’ recent courtroom successes in blocking voter ID laws and squelching gerrymandering through nonpartisan district commissions, the 2022 GOTV plan posits “a wholly different approach.”
The strategy calls on the Grand Old Party to reclaim its old brand as the party of business, as in Calvin Coolidge’s terse dictum, “The business of America is business.”
In fact, the 2022 GOTV plan envisions the GOP taking on the time-honored entrepreneurial roles of both creating a demand and providing a service to meet that demand.
Creating A Demand
Banking on the failure of Democrats to pry loose state houses across the country in 2020, the GOP aims to create a demand for “a trouble free franchise” in the minds of voters. Citing “the massive election fraud of 2020” the RNC shall work with state Republican organizations in taking the following steps to ensure election integrity…
- Ban all absentee voting (due to widespread postal tampering).
- Remove all voting drop boxes (due to pervasive vandalization of ballots).
- Limit voting booths to one per legislative district (ideally, only 435 across the entire country that they may be fully staffed with qualified security personnel).
- Require a successful retinal scan proving identity, in the absence of a qualified ID (to prevent fraudulent voting).
Meeting The Need
Then, too, embracing their pro-business role, the GOP plans to offer a full-service Voter Assistance Service (VAS) at no fee to the voter, no matter which party…
- Register the voter.
- Vote for the voter on Election Day at the booth.
- Provide a voting report, listing the vote — available online at any time, in the interests of transparency, after the election results have been declared. Also, in the interests of election integrity, feature a robust security filter requiring only a few moments for the voter to complete.
Questions such as…
— -Name all 9 Supreme Court Justices.
— -Which President insisted on toasting his own english muffins?
— -Name the agencies supporting the US Department of Agriculture.
VAS Promotion
Not least, the Republican National Committee is sketching out an entire advertising campaign, explaining the benefits of the Voter Assistance Service to the voter…
- Save money on gasoline!
- Save time! No more waiting in lines for hours!
- No more fuss! No pesky voters’ guides. No last minute cramming on the issues.
- Spend Election Day barbecuing with your friends, worry free!
Is the GOP’s VAS the wave of the future for democracy? Election Day 2022 will tell.
