Truth in Satire
House Majority Leader To Colleagues in 2016: “I think McDonald’s fries are delicious.”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — New leaks reveal that in addition to other statements made by House Republican Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-CA), the Republican spoke in support of the quality and flavor of side orders available at McDonald’s.
“I think McDonald’s fries are delicious,” said the congressman who represents California’s 23rd district including southern San Joaquin Valley and the southern Sierra Nevada, the Tehachapi Mountains, the Northwestern Mojave Desert, and, presumably, other places where the obvious passes for insight.
“Also, they do a good job with their sliced apples, shakes, and chicken McNuggets. Do they count as a side order? I think so,” he continued, saying “Also, I think Trump is bought and paid for by the Russians.”
As news of the leak spread, Republicans were quick to put out statements. House Speaker Paul Ryan wrote in a statement that “McDonald’s is indeed the most American of fast food chains. We cast off the shackles of monarchy, and thus Burger King is anathema to everything we hold dear. Their fries are also soggy and too thick.”
“Also, yeah, Trump is probably thoroughly corrupt, but since we won’t impeach him, ever, you can just suck it,” the statement continued.
Democrats, happy to have found some common ground with Republicans, issued statements in support of McDonald’s, but hedged a bit, including Shake Shack “in their thoughts and prayers” as many of them represent districts that include the high end fast food chain.
Also, they said they think Trump is bought and paid for by the Russians.
