How To Reconnect During Big Changes
Do you remember who on Earth you are?
When we are as busy as we all seem to be, it is really easy to spend nearly ALL of our waking hours focused on the details of the busy-ness, or the “surface” of life: “What time do I have to pick up my kid? What are we having for dinner? How many client emails can I answer before I have to leave? Why did my co-worker say that to me? Did I pick up my partner’s dry-cleaning/prescription/whatever? We have to go to the in-laws this weekend. How many ‘likes’ did my post get??”
It’s crazy-making!
When we are living in this state of being, we lose connection with our deepest selves, the person we were when we were born, the soul that is still the same amazing, curious, adventurous, passionate being, hiding under layers of conditioning from growing up, from our cultures, our parents, our peers, our religions, our teachers.
But for women, what happens to us is that our entire identities become nothing more than the sum total of all the “stuff” we do!
And we tend to not make/have time just to connect with what we truly want. We seem to wake up one day (perhaps when a child graduates, or gets married or has a child, or we find ourselves single suddenly) and realize that we have forgotten who we are, what we want, what we are passionate about, our dreams.
We feel lost.
With a full-time job, a business, a family to juggle, any new changes coming up in our lives, it would be no wonder if a person were feeling lost, sad and excited all at the same time. We may seek connection — to something that makes sense, feels right, guides our focus, calms us, gives us solace and encouragement.
The first suggestion I would make is to just feel all those things — don’t deny any of the emotions that come up. It’s so important to make sure you are just observing and loving whatever emotion or thought comes up for you, and it will do what it needs to do and it will leave on its own.
We run into trouble when we try to hide emotions, judge them as “good” or “bad,” ignore them or resist them in some way. When we do that, when we think we have to be positive and happy all the time, all we are doing is causing those emotions to hang around longer, and in many cases, our bodies pay the price: we get run-down or sick.
The second, and equally important suggestion I would make is to start a meditation practice, if you haven’t already done so.
The key is to find a way in our busy lives to spend a chunk of time each day (best in the morning, before all hell breaks loose!) and just sit and listen to what comes up, let it come up, and just stay with it.
Don’t worry if you feel distracted at first, just sit, breathe, stay with it.
If you already have a meditation practice, great! If you don’t, I would encourage you to just start: find a way to keep in touch with your true self. Your health depends on it.
Ignore that noisy voice inside that may be telling you that you don’t have the patience, discipline, focus, time, etc. You do. That noise is just excuses and lies your pesky ego is telling you in order to keep you invested in the “stuff” of your busy life.
Even if you can only find ten minutes at first, and you have to hide in the closet with the light off to find quiet, doing it every single day — even with guided meditation to start your practice — will be a miracle for you!
The key is to do it every single day — no matter what. Those ten minutes will turn into an hour before you know it.
I started four years ago with my headphones playing the Silva Centering Exercise. I did it every single day, it took about 30 minutes, and suddenly one day after about three months, I realized that I had changed: little things weren’t bothering me anymore, I was more peaceful, I wasn’t as anxious.
And, I had a new practice that I knew was a great benefit for my well-being, and consequently, for those around me.
This was just the beginning for me, eventually I learned how to just sit with my eyes closed, relax head-to-toe, and connect with my true self. I actually started that phase by literally talking to myself, in a very loving, appreciative way. And I start each meditation with gratitude — for everything.
Now I usually do an hour. I’ve done two, but not consistently. When I did do two hours, that second hour was really amazing! After the first hour of allowing all the thoughts to fall away, incredible insights began to be revealed to me. The two hours went by so quickly!
If you are seeking serious transformation, meditate for two hours each day. Get up early — you will be greatly rewarded!
Someone wrote and asked me for help in finding connection in her changing world, as her oldest child was graduating from high school soon. I remember when my first daughter graduated. Big change! I told this person that now is the most crucial time for her to re-connect with her deepest, true self. When you approach what Dr. Wayne Dyer calls “the afternoon of your life,” you will want to have a deep connection to your heart, and it will allow you to share your gifts with the world.
I believe it is so smart to be seeking that type of growth. Many people are still so caught up in the “surface” stuff, the consumerism, keeping up with what other people are doing, that they don’t even consider that THEY are the ones who must change/grow, in order for their external world to change. It seems, however, that more and more people are beginning to see - and feel - this shift in consciousness that is happening all over.
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