Dallas Police Officers: It Could Have Been Me
I was sitting at my desk editing a document when the first reports out of Dallas started to filter in. Shots fired at a Black Lives Matter rally. Unknown number of shooters, two victims shot, then four, then six, and on and on and on.
My first thoughts were the same thoughts that I have every time there is another Columbine, Newtown, Aurora, Virginia Tech, Charleston, Orlando, etc.: that another mentally imbalanced soul with too many voices in their heads and easy access to semi-automatic weapons has gone off the deep end. And that’s invariably the case, and this time was no exception.
The fatalities started to multiply. Two dead, then three, then four and, thankfully, it stopped at five. Five dead, all of them Dallas police officers. My heart sank.
I turned on the television and watched the videos as they streamed in, listening to the pundits speculate as to who and what was to blame for this insanity.
The videos were graphic and disturbing and, sadly, all too predictable in their present day violence. I watched as the shooter ducked behind a concrete pillar and engaged one officer in a momentary game of cat and mouse, cutting down the officer with a multitude of rounds in a matter of seconds.
As the night wore on more facts began to emerge: the shooter was an angry young black man who had amassed a stockpile of weapons, body armor and bomb making material, practicing tactical killing skills in preparation for this night. He had specifically targeted “white people, especially white police officers.” Especially white police officers. It was as simple as going to a rally where there would be countless police officers — many of them white and most of them identifiable by their blue police uniforms — and then methodically and systematically gunning them down.
I am white. And for 32 years I was a San Francisco Police officer. My son is white, and for the past ten years he has been a San Francisco Police officer. He is still working and he still wears the blue uniform that is synonymous with police officers throughout the United States. And the sobering thought is that it could have been me. Or my son. Or any other police officer with the misfortune of being where a demented individual had decided to kill a cop.
Police officers are taught early in their training that along with the pride of being a cop comes the risk of wearing that uniform. Whether the result of lawful actions taken by the officer or simple animus on behalf of the subject acting violently, the uniform — and what it represents — often inspires violence and makes one a highly visible target.
It is that unifying symbolism and camaraderie that unites police officers everywhere. It is why there is such an outpouring of grief and pomp and circumstance whenever an officer is killed in the line of duty. As I write this today President Barack Obama is in Dallas delivering a eulogy for the five slain officers. Think about that: five working police officers, none of them of any notable background or accomplishments, being eulogized by the President of The United States of America.
The uniform worn by the five Dallas officers is the same uniform that I wore for 32 years and that my son currently wears. Getting “suited up” before each tour of duty, something that I did approximately 5,000 times in my career, is a part of the job that I really miss. Polished brass, shiny star, crisp creases and distinctive hat with the gold San Francisco city seal on the front. I appreciated the statement that my uniform made and I also appreciated the risks and responsibilities that came with wearing the unmistakeable symbol of a police officer.
Lately the crisp uniform is soiled and the polished brass a bit tarnished by the incidents of police misconduct that are occurring nationwide. The uniform that means so much has become a shameful symbol of the abuses committed by those sworn to uphold the laws of the land, contributing to social and racial conflict and that provoked the deadly rampage in Dallas.
I watch the numerous videos of beatings, Tasings and shootings, shocked at the brutality being meted out by police officers wearing the uniform. The nobility and professionalism that the uniform is supposed to represent, and the heroism attributed to those Dallas police officers, is a lost concept when the cop wearing it is engaging in police brutality.
My background in law enforcement and my pride in the profession make me question what is occurring, wondering if I’m missing something. Are officers really this out of control and/or this fearful? Are they responding out of latent (blatant?) racism? Do they really feel that threatened? Was this happening all along, and only the proliferation of cell phone video has brought it to light?
I know in my heart of hearts that there is a problem with police practices today. Yet I have countless friends and acquaintances who will argue the contrary: that the officers were “just doing their job” and that the victims are to blame. “If they had just listened to the officer.” “If they had just cooperated and not reached for their cell phone/wallet/ID card.” The social media narrative is even more extreme, bringing the racist trolls who thrive on this victim blaming out of the woodwork.
I can also assume that any black person feels much like I do about the uniform: that it could be them, the next one victimized because of their race.
Adding insult to injury there are rarely any legal consequences for the offending officers. The courts have historically protected cops with a doctrine of “qualified immunity,” a legal premise that officers should not be impeded in doing their jobs. Yet the courts have not taken into account the number of extreme lethal incidents that we are now witnessing, and the apparent lack of skilled training and de-escalation techniques that are now missing from the equation.
In trying to reconcile what I am witnessing in the myriad videos of Tamir Rice, Philando Castile, Alton Sterling, Delrawn Small and countless others I have developed a technique to help me judge the behavior of the officer. I picture the officer in civilian clothes, NOT in uniform. I ponder whether the actions of the officers, as viewed as if he were a private citizen, would pass muster. And sadly it often does not. Sans uniforms, these videotaped incidents appear as random street crimes.
I know that this is an oversimplification and there is often good cause for a lawful detention or arrest. There are often factors leading up to the physical confrontation that I, and the rest of the world, aren’t aware of.
Yet I am also acutely aware that the same uniform that I cherished wearing, and that caused five fine young police officers to be senselessly gunned down in Dallas, is being used by others to abuse their authority. And that makes me sad.
Dallas should serve as a wake up call for all of us. We need to remember that a peaceful protest involving Black Lives Matter participants AND police officers was taking place; that the purpose of the protest was to call attention to police brutality and racism. And that we’re all victims as long as we fail to act to bridge the gap between the color of our skin and the color of our uniform.
