Kevin the Negative Pole is “Pretty P.O’d” Media Attention isn’t Directed Towards Him
In 2013, after several tetherball-related incidents, the tetherball and accompanying string were removed from the Vista Springs Elementary School playground in Bloomfield, Wisconsin. Kevin has been a negative pole ever since.
Kevin, a longtime resident of Vista Springs Elementary, feels stripped of his former glory: “I feel neutered; that string and ball made me who I am, now I’m just a naked pole in lonely blacktop sea.”
Before Principal Sherman banned tetherball, Kevin was a playground hero. “Kids from all grades and all creeds would come play with me,” Kevin reports, “I felt like a unifying force, not like the cold pole I am now.”
Kevin received another blow to his self-esteem when Donald Trump tweeted this morning:
“When The Bloomfield Post blew into me today and I read about ‘negative polls’ it really pissed me off. I don’t have much left, at least let me be the negative pole Bloomfielders are talking about,” Kevin railed.
The real news about negative polls being fake news was terribly disheartening for Kevin, a registered Democrat.
“2017 has already been a bummer of a year and I don’t know how much more I can take. I’ve been thinking about falling over. Maybe it’s time for me to be repurposed as a clothes line or scrap metal.”
