Leaked Memo Reveals Dems Texas COVID Plan

The following secret memorandum was just leaked from the Democratic National Committee.

MEMORANDUM TO DNC STAFF

TO: DNC Members & Staff
FR: [Name Redacted]
DT: March 2, 2021
RE: Texas COVID Game Plan

Friends and Colleagues,

Read this press release by Greg Abbott’s flack in Austin. It’s a kicker. He plans to open up Texas, ending all COVID restrictions: masks, restaurant and bar capacities, gyms, churches (of course), you name it. If you’re thinking it’s the Alamo all over again, you’d be right.

What’s our response? Yes, I know. We have templates for this sort of thing, but what if we tried something a little out of the box?

What if we pulled a Jared Kushner in reverse?

Remember all those rumors about Kushner’s COVID team advising Big Orange Daddy to do nothing as the virus all but swam ashore in California and Washington state? Their reasoning being that…

a) It’s only blue states that will be affected. (Yeah — some real brainy types on that team! Whatever.)

b) If bad grows to worse, it’ll be Dem governors who will get the blame and not the White House. Besides, it’s just climate wackjob Inslee and, even better, wildfire Newsom. Not exactly a major concern, either one. And does Team Trump really want to be in the business of helping Gavin Newsom run against Ivanka in 2024? Just saying.

c) If worse grows to worst, it’s only Democrat voters who will be affected. California may be out of reach in this lifetime, but how cool would it be for Team Trump to flip Washington state in 2020 because too many Dems were too busy puking to fill out their ballots.

Real scuzzball politics, that. Made me tear my hair out just at the thought of it.

But, now I’m thinking…

Greg Abbott’s growing desperate to avoid SnowGate getting pinned on him. He’s trying to change the subject even though it means putting the lives of his own state’s residents on the line. Ordinarily, we would issue the typical WTF? statement, crying foul and hinting that a Democrat in the governor’s chair might be a better aspiration for the Lone Star State.

Ordinarily.

This time — and I’m just spitballing here — what if we said… nothing? A big fat nothing.

Talking turkey (or wild boar, as it were), any guesses as to whether Dem Texans will take off their masks just because Governor Greg Abbott said so? I didn’t think so.

On the other hand, who will give a Rebel Yell, throw a brisket on a bedframe and invite the neighbors over for a good ol’ fashioned super-spreading BBQ? That’s right. The GOP.

This, in a state that’s growing more and more purple by the day. Play our cards right, cheer Abbott along with our silence, and Beto just might have a chance of taking out Cancun Cruz.

Now, if we can just get Uncle Joe to stay silent. (Yeah, I know.)