Leaked: Transcript of SCOTUS Ordering Lunch
A second unprecedented leak in three days provides insight into the private deliberations of the United States Supreme Court.
(Washington, DC)
May 5, 2022
The quiet, inner sanctum of the Supreme Court has once again been exposed by a leaker within the chamber. Coming on the heels of the shocking leak of a draft opinion indicating the court is on the cusp of overturning Roe v. Wade, this second leak shows the personal interactions of the justices during a lunch break.
Transcript (Best read in Nina Totenberg’s voice)
Chief Justice Roberts: Okay, everyone, let’s break for lunch. What should we order?
Justice Coney Barrett: Let’s pray first.
Justice Alito: Let’s get Chick-fil-a.
Justice Thomas (chuckling): I once saw a film called “Fill-a-Chick…” if you know what I mean. It starred an actor named Long Don…
Justice Roberts: That’ll do, Clarence
Justice Kavanaugh: Boof!
Justice Sotomayor: That’s disgusting.
Justice Alito: Shhhh!
Justice Breyer: Let’s get something healthy, but not too expensive.
(The door opens, justice-designate Ketanji Brown Jackson peers in.)
Justice-designate Brown Jackson: Is it too soon for me to place an order?
Justice Alito: Oh, God… there’s another one of them?
Justice Gorsuch: Oh, God… there’s another one of them?
Justice Coney Barrett: Did someone say “God?” Can we pray?
Justice Breyer: Sure, Ketanji… here, take my seat. I am not sticking around long anyway.
Justice Roberts: Actually, Ketanji, these deliberations are for sitting justices only. Please respect our privacy.
Justice Alito: Privacy shmivacy! What’s that?
Justice Gorsuch: Privacy shmivacy! What’s that?
(At this point Justices Alito, Coney Barrett, Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Thomas high five one another, as Justices Breyer, Kagan, and Sotomayor look on with mouths agape. Justice Roberts nervously sits between the two groups, barely concealing a chuckle while looking right, and looking somber and distraught when looking left.)
Justice Kagan: Come on. Let’s focus. I can order something for us on Doordash.
Justice Alito: Shhhh! It’s been decided. We are getting chick-fil-a.
Justice Gorsuch: Shhhh! It’s been decided. We are getting chick-fil-a.
Justice Kavanaugh: Boof!
Justice Sotomayor: Don’t we get to choose?
Justices Thomas, Alito, Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Coney Barrett: (erupt in laughter)
Justice Alito: No, Sonia, it’s settled.
Justices Kavanaugh, Gorsuch, and Coney Barrett in unison: Ha! That’s exactly what we told Susan Collins!
Justice Kavanaugh: Also, I’d like a beer. No, scratch that. I’d LOVE a beer. I. Love. Beer!”
Justice Thomas: I would like a Coke. A can of Coke. Without the pubic…
Justice Roberts: That’ll do, Clarence. And as for drinks, I can’t decide. You all make your choices, then I will pick mine.
Justice Alito: It’s settled.
Justice Gorsuch: It’s settled.
Justice Kavanaugh: Boof!
Justice Coney Barrett: Can we close with a prayer?
And that’s how the court dining hall got sent Chick-fil-a, and our country got sent back 50 years.
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