LEAKED: Trump Administration Employment Questionnaire

CONFIDENTIAL
PLEASE SHARE WITH ALL PROSPECTIVE CANDIDATES

Before becoming a part of the Trump Administration, it’s critical that we understand your position on key issues affecting our country.

Please respond honestly to the questions below and select answers that most accurately align with your beliefs:

1. The EPA should ___________
   a. disband
   b. have never been created
   c. consider itself warned
   d. admit that it’s the worst thing to happen in the 6,000-year history of the Earth
2. Of the following Executive Orders planned for 2017, which is your favorite?
   a. Recommending a Minimum Eight-Term Limit to the Presidency
   b. Providing Guidance on Incest to Account for Female Hotness
   c. Redefining Sexual Consent for High Net Worth Individuals
   d. Establishing a National Month of Borscht Appreciation
3. President Trump beat Hillary Clinton by how many electoral college votes?
   a. 200
   b. 500
   c. The most ever, my lord
   d. We’ve always been at war with Eastasia
4. Насколько вы любите президента?
   a. миллион рублей
   b. много
   c. больше, чем себя
   d. миллиард рублей
5. Yahoo or Gmail?
   a. Yahoo
   b. Gmail
   c. What’s Gmail?
   d. I enjoying beating my wife with my BlackBerry.
6. What is the best way to pay tribute to 2017’s tragic Bowling Green Massacre?
   a. Prayer and silent reflection
   b. Defund NPR
   c. Have sex with a virgin. Afterwards, sacrifice her.
   d. Sacrifice a virgin. Afterwards, have sex with her.
7. The media is run by ___________
   a. Jews
   b. gays
   c. gay Jews
   d. the state soon, amirite?
8. Life begins ___________
   a. in a vagina
   b. when God says so
   c. at “hello.” (I’m telling ya, Jerry McGuire was great movie!)
   d. when a Trump hotel pillow first touches your unworthy head
9. Domestic abuse is?
   a. never ok
   b. a good use of one’s time
   c. challenging, but Melania has held up well
   d. the only way to get invited to Mar-a-Lago’s best parties
10. Where should we host our Reichstag?
    a. Nordstrom Rack Union Square
    b. Nordstrom Garden State Plaza
    c. I hear the inner cities could use our help
    d. The Susan B. Anthony Center
11. America is a ___________ nation?
    a. Christian
    b. Christien
    c. Christiane
    d. Cristian