Local Black Person Existing a Little Too Much for Local White Woman’s Comfort
PHILADELPHIA, PA— Local 33-year-old white woman, Christie McPherson, reported feeling uncomfortable yesterday at her local grocery store when she spotted local 26-year-old black man, Trey Mason, existing in the produce aisle. Though she never called the police department, McPherson still wonders if she made the right decision because she is “terrified” that Mason “is still walking around running errands and existing in public and making so many people nervous.”
When asked if Mason’s race had any role in her discomfort, McPherson sobbed for 20 minutes and accused the reporter of reverse-racism. After pulling herself together, McPherson said:
“First of all, I’m the least racist person you know. I voted for Obama twice and read the Atlantic. Some of my favorite athletes are black. But when I spotted that man, I noticed he hadn’t bought anything in 30 seconds. He was just standing there holding an empty cart and suspiciously scanning berries and spinach. Like, that’s a weird combination, no?”
McPherson then mentioned that in the 3 days that she’s lived in the Fishtown neighborhood of Philadelphia, she had never seen Trey Mason— a life-long resident — and that also made her nervous.
