Nonsense!

NOT SUITABLE FOR MICROWAVE COOKING.

What bollocks!.

Of course it’s suitable for microwave cooking … all food is suitable for microwave cooking — there isn’t a foodstuff that isn’t.

You may regret cooking it in the microwave: it may not taste very nice … it may make you ill … might necessitate emergency surgery … may result in broken teeth … possibly even death … but it will have been cooked in the microwave.

There are things that aren’t suitable for microwave cooking: rocks, for instance … rocks aren’t at all suitable for microwave cooking — but rocks aren’t suitable for cooking in any way … can’t even be cooked in any way … so, that’s not really saying much, is it?

And hand-grenades should probably not be cooked in a microwave either — I appreciate that cooking them in your hand is also not entirely without its risks but, so long as you are sensible about it then, by most (if not all ¹) accounts it will largely be a more successful enterprise than the former approach.

Someone really ought to get on to the Advertising Standards Agency and get them to explain the manufacturers that this really isn’t acceptable and that they need to be more specific …

… before someone like me looks at the label, (completely understandably) says “Nonsense” ⁶, microwaves the product and then gets food-poisoning (or worse).

Something along the lines of …

WARNING: cooking this product in a microwave oven may result in an unpleasant experience, including (but not limited to) illness, emergency surgery, broken teeth, even death.

—
¹ Like the tales of dolphins rescuing humans from drowning, the data aren’t necessarily entirely representative of all accounts ² and there are possibly (probably) people who … insofar as it is possible to be sensible when ‘cooking’ a grenade … were really quite sensible about it and, nevertheless … were they around to tell the tale of their misadventure … might argue otherwise.

² How many people have returned to tell the tale of the time when “No, actually, they didn’t — in fact, the psychopathic bastards swam me so far out to sea that I drowned from exhaustion/exposure.” ³

³ I was going to say something about a whole raft of issues … or at least a piece of wood or bit of boat ⁴ … at this point but can’t remember what it was now ⁵.

⁴ Some sort of buoyant material to which one might cling anyway.

⁵ So, it probably wasn’t that significant … and I really wouldn’t give it another thought, if I were you.

⁶ Or even “What bollocks!”