Oh, Canada Something Something Flying Monkeys
So, in the Past, I’ve maybe suggested one or two things that might be considered a bit … ‘odd’ … perhaps … but hear me out …
Well, what with the current goings on, it strikes me that now would be the ideal time for Canada to put some moves on the US …
The situation is chaotic as it is and, come November, it seems that it could all get a bit out of hand one way or another. And that’s when Canadian troops mounted on polar bears, with armour and air support, would have a definite advantage over US infantry.
I’ve been informed though that polar bears actively hunt humans, so it seems that approach might not work out so well after all: there’s no time for even an intensive breeding programme coupled with the bears being trained not to attack anyone with a Canadian accent — not to effect the kind of Blitzkrieg I’m suggesting
But …
What if wild polar bears were airlifted into enemy territory and dropped on them, three-to-six bears at a time?
Bear bombs.
The US troops could be softened up with cat bombardments first … say thirty to sixty ferrals at a time … and then, when the confusion reached its peak, BOOM: three-to-six polar bears helicoptered in and let loose amidst all the pandemonium.
The cats are quick and agile and will, in their frantic attempts to get away from the bears, claw their way up the troops’ legs, putting their aim off, so they miss the bears.
The bears will be rampaging around, flattening troops as they go, taking swipes at the cats and hitting the remaining troops in the face.
Maximum chaos.
The cats will make the bears angry.
The bears will wind the cats up.
Throw in some monkeys flinging poop and having sex on the troops faces.
It’ll be mental!
Never mind volunteering during the Spanish Civil War, I’d pay to take part in that conflict; it’s a once in a lifetime experience: the US has flying fortresses but Canada has flying f**king zoos, man … and I was there — crazed animals everywhere … I’m telling you, it was utterly insane!
Anyway … just a thought, you know … but I’m available as a strategy consultant, if Canada’s interested — or the US is interested in consulting me about defensive strategies ¹.
[FOOTNOTE]
Well, colour me surprised.
I appear to have graduated from trying to persuade a friend to get herself arrested for fighting at the circus to trying to foment conflict between Canada and the US.
And all it took was two years, a global pandemic and civil unrest in the US.
I might be some sort of evil genius after all.
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¹ You can have all the nukes in the World, but they won’t help you when the enemy sends in a circus (it’s too small to target) and if you don’t plan for it, well … the next thing you know, Sarah Palin’s governor of Quebec.
