Other Notable Candidates Who Have Turned Down the Chance to be Trump’s National Security Adviser
As you may have heard, no one wants to be on Trump’s Super Awesome MAGA National Security Council besides a sentient beanbag chair full of cigarette butts and the one brunette lady allowed to talk on Fox News. After firing Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn for getting busted (not chill dude!), all the A+ and B- options on the respectability index are running away from the job offer like refugees fleeing for the Canadian border.
But you may not know some of the other notables who have passed on the opportunity! I was actually able to interview each of them this morning in an effort to get the inside scoop on what’s going down at the NSC:
Gary Busey: “I’m uncomfortable with the U.S. realigning itself against its NATO allies and with Russia under Putin. NATO is responsible for the longest period of peace in the history of the European continent. We should honor our commitments to our long time allies.”
2007 Britney Spears: “Steve Bannon is a white supremacist and he has no expertise or training that would prepare him in the slightest for such a vaunted position, y’all. His work on Brietbart should be disqualifying on its own. That would be like me promoting Sam Lufti to run the FDA. Besides, I know from instability, and you couldn’t pay me Vegas money to join NatSec right now.”
Giggy, Lisa Vanderpump’s Favorite Pet: “Listen, I been in this business a long time, and you gotta stay in your lane. Trump shoulda never left reality tv. He could be as pampered as I am right now and instead he’s screwing the country in public with no protection. What a dog.”
Don Cornelius: “I died in 2012, and I wouldn’t lead the NSC even if you gave me a chance to come back to life to do it. Who would want to run such a circus? There is nothing groovy about the current crisis in our national security infrastructure. Don Trump is a jive turkey, & in 1973 he refused to rent an apartment to my sister because he and his father were both racist AF.”
The Hamburglar: “Trump’s a classic kleptocrat. Even I don’t want to be involved in an administration that corrupt. Robble robble.”
