Our Wartime President! (Part 1)
What if Trump really was president in WWII?
Given the dark days our country faces, people have been making comparisons to other crises of historical proportions. Even President Trump has referred to himself as a “wartime president,” hearkening back to American leadership in World War II. Indeed, there are many parallels, as both the coronavirus and World War II required strong leadership, and, on the part of average Americans, a willingness to sacrifice for the good of the country, indeed for the good of humanity.
As we search for hope today, it is perhaps worth remembering how the selfless sacrifices of the Greatest Generation and leadership of FDR helped the country face down the threat of fascism…
Our Wartime President!
In the 1930’s and ‘40’s, a virus was sweeping the globe. From East Asia and Europe it spread its tentacles out to nearly every continent. Invaded by Japan in 1937, China was one of the first countries to suffer the depredations of fascism. Next was western Europe, then the Soviet Union. By December 1941, the virus of fascism was approaching America’s shores.
The country turned to its leader to guide it through such dark times. Fortunately, the United States was led by the BEST wartime president ever.
The Wartime President was meeting with his advisers when one of them brought an urgent cable from the Secretary of the Navy: “Sir, we are getting reports that there is a large Japanese fleet steaming towards Hawaii! What are your orders?”
“Orders? The Japanese love me. I’m sure it’s nothing. And you know how those Japanese like to travel. It’s always in a huuuge tour group,” the Wartime President said.
“Anyway, I don’t care about the Japanese. I wanna talk about something more important: bans on vaping…”
But sadly, as the Japanese fleet drew closer and then began bombing naval bases and shooting people, it became apparent that they were not in Hawaii just as tourists. The mainstream media soon got wind of the attack, and, not appreciating all that the president was doing to make sure Americans everywhere could vape when they wanted, the media began its breathless coverage of the bombs falling on Pearl Harbor and then of Japanese soldiers landing on O’ahu.
The Wartime President rightfully resented this unfair treatment, and insisted that the coverage of the invasion was driven by the media’s hatred of him. His chief of staff defended him from the traitors within:
“The reason you’re seeing so much attention to it today is they think this is going to be what brings down the president. That’s what this is all about.”
The president himself blasted his political opponents for making a big ado about nothing:
“Now they’re politicizing the invasion. One of my people came up to me and said, ‘Mr. President, they tried to beat you on packing the Supreme Court. They wanted to impeach you in ’37 for that.’ That didn’t work out too well. They couldn’t do it. They tried anything, they tried it over and over. … And this is their new hoax.”
But some of the president’s admirals publicly dissented. Admiral Messonnier warned that the Japanese would not stop at Hawaii:
“We can and should be prepared for them to gain a foothold in the U.S. The goal of the defenses we are putting in place is to slow the invasion, but at some point we are likely to see a threat to the mainland U.S.”
Outraged at his admiral’s betrayal, the Wartime President insisted that all was fine: “We have it totally under control. It’s a couple of boats coming in from Japan, and we have it under control. It’s going to be just fine.”
To reassure the public, the Wartime President pointed out that a lot of things killed more Americans than Japanese soldiers, like the flu and cars: “I don’t see what the big deal is. Car accidents kill more people every year than have died at Pearl Harbor! Do you think we should declare war on cars?”
He also pointed out that most Americans didn’t live in Hawaii and so had little to fear if it was wiped off the map:
“For the vast majority of Americans, the risk is very, very low.”
Furthermore, the Wartime President predicted that the Japanese would simply leave when they were done visiting Hawaii.
“When you have 15,000 soldiers, and that 15,000 within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero, that’s a pretty good job we’ve done,” he congratulated himself.
It turned out, however, that the Japanese were not simply going to go away when they were done visiting Hawaii. After Hawaii fell, the Japanese launched invasions of Washington and California. Now even investors grew alarmed, and the stock market began to dive.
This greatly distressed the Wartime President. It was widely known on the mainland that nobody really cared about Hawaii. Why, it was not even a state! And no real Americans lived there. But the stock market was another story. Real Americans did live there.
The president rushed to reassure investors: “The invasion is very much under control in the USA. We are in contact with all allied countries, and we are going to fight hard and smart. Stock Market starting to look very good to me!”
But the weeks went by and the invasion did not stop. In Europe, Germany had been making rapid progress, thanks to its Blitzkrieg strategy. Spain and Italy had long since succumbed to fascism, and now France fell, then the UK.
Soon even the Soviets were knocked out of the war. Sweden adopted the controversial strategy of letting the Nazis rampage through their society unopposed, figuring, correctly, that the Nazis would focus their wrath on the country’s nursing homes, which were full of old people who deserved to be euthanized, and leave most Swedes in peace so they could drink their beers in crowded bars.
With Europe under their heel, the Germans now turned their attention to North America, wanting a slice of that pie before Japan took it all. With the American government focused on the urgent issue of vaping, the Nazis landed in undefended New York, catching America completely by surprise…
To be continued.
