Pat Robertson Blames Tragedies On ‘Disrespect for Donald Trump’
Also In The News: Pat Robertson Is Still Alive. We’re Stuck With Him Until Hell’s Renovations Completed.
Some estimates put his net worth at $1 billion dollars.
TV preacher Pat Robertson is the world’s leading expert on; getting poor and middle-class people to pay for Pat Robertson’s mansions, yachts, and Olympic- sized pools filled with gold coins that he swims in, and have them believe it’s because Jesus wants Pat Robertson to live the most lavish lifestyle humanly possible, despite everything Jesus ever said and did, being direct evidence to the exact opposite of this.
Jesus said:
“Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God”.
The rich man that Jesus was SPECIFICALLY referring to, was Pat Robertson, even though Pat Robertson wasn’t even hatched yet. Jesus just knew. That’s what made him Jesus.
This was the biblical-times version of a “shout out”.
It was, originally:
“it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for SOMEONE, not naming any names, (cough)-Pat-Robertson-(cough), to enter the kingdom of God”.
But over time, this message was condensed to its present form.
The people who watch and donate to Pat Robertson, are mostly people in pain. Suffering. Desperate. They’re just waiting for him to say a prayer, such as: “there’s a woman out there with pain in her knees, she’s been praying for a long time. GOD hears you, and you are healed right now in Jesus’ name”.
That’s what they’re waiting for.
Then, Pat Robertson will sell them something off his website, like a guy in a covered wagon selling potions in the 1700s, and ask them for donations, as they wait for their miracle to kick in. Feeling guilty if they can’t get in their tithes to him that week.
So, Pat Robertson, on television (due to lax FCC rules about allowing effing lunatics to broadcast lunacy to unsuspecting others), has finally settled the debate on whether the devastating storms Conga-lining across the world are caused by our own insane recklessness when it comes to the environment (on EARTH where we live),… or, caused by other, unconsidered, sources. According to Pat “Of Butter” Robertson, this is the problem:
“I’m telling you folks, these hurricanes are God’s punishment for the heathens at that Burning Man Festival”. — Pat Robertson.
He really said this. He really did. With his mouth! Look it up. Google it, (or Bing it, if you happen to work at Microsoft…). I’ll wait.
(Waiting…)
Good, you’re back. I truly did miss you. (I get separation anxiety when you leave…)
So, now that you know this did really happen, I’d like to now address the organizers of the Burning Man Festival.
To whom it may concern. (Especially heathens). Please stop. I don’t know if the Burning Man Festival is a front for some very powerful, secret, weather machine, and the festival is just to cover the noise that machine makes. If so, please stop causing devastation and put on a proper festival that doesn’t cause mass destruction. Thanks, -the rest of the world.
Problem solved.
Now, Pat Robertson opened the hole in his head (that he ingests the world’s finest cuisines and champagnes with), and a bunch of dead bats and ghouls flew out, as he said that he also knows why the horrific tragedy in Las Vegas happened, even as the rest of us ponder the reasons how, and why, such an act of hatred against others can even be conceived, and then, brought to fruition.
Pat Robertson said:
“…we have disrespected authority. There is profound disrespect for our president, all across this nation. They say terrible things about him. It’s in the news; it’s in other places.”
The irony of this statement was that Jesus had a profound disrespect for authority for authority’s sake. He was known to vex the Romans, the Pharisees, and the Sadducees, who were the authority at the time. Many believe this contributed to Jesus’ crucifixion, while others blame unpaid parking tickets for a camel he borrowed. (See, Palm Sunday).
If Robertson’s seemingly insane and evil, twisted remark is true, then I’m definitely partially responsible, because I mock Trump almost every second of every day.
I tweet to him incessantly, lest he forget that he’s an idiot. I write about him in articles, I mock him using my voice to passersby, and when I sleep, I dream up new ways to mock and disparage him.
It’s kinda “my thing”.
So… if my profound, (in every sense of the word “profound”), disrespect for Trump causes such horrific events, I do apologize. However, I’m pretty sure I can’t stop. It’s my heroin. It’s what I live for now. Moments ago I tweeted Trump this poignant and thought-provoking, message (on Twitter,— “America’s #1 Platform To Start Nuclear Wars With”).
- “Dear, Mr. Trump. This might be slightly off-topic,… but what does Putin’s butt-plug taste like? (Asking for a friend). Thanks”.
Obviously, I have a problem. I came here to relentlessly mock Donald Trump, and chew gum, and plan to do both until gum stops ‘being a thing’ due to “the end of all things” envisioned by Trump. I then plan to continue having “profound disrespect” for Trump and will keep saying terrible things about him, until my last dying breath.
As many of us are devastated and GOD looks down upon us sadly, Pat Robertson might have used his platform (paid for by his most devoted followers, from their toil, and from their sweat, as they work to send him truckloads full of checks), to plead to his followers to make it harder for the NRA and GOP to pass laws allowing all of us to have way easier access to the kinds of weapons I could have singlehandedly won World War II with. Maybe even toughen some of these laws.
Here in NY, guns are truly a BAD IDEA. We’re already angry. If we made guns easily accessible here, we’d have to change the name of “Manhattan”, to “Shooty-Corpse-‘N’-Bullet-Town”… All our “I ‘heart’ N.Y.” T-shirts would be outdated, and it would indeed affect tourism, as we’d shoot every tourist, even the ones we really liked.
Wherever you stand on guns, I think as a starting point, that PERHAPS…folks who are too scary for planes, trains, and automobiles, should have more limited access to insanely powerful weapons. It just seems logical.
Also, for the record, there is no reason someone needs to have assault weapons that spew 1,200 rounds per second, for normal day-to-day activities.
No guy ever said, “You know, Bob, I would have never got that garden weeded and fixed the hole in my roof if I didn’t have those assault rifles”.
The rule of thumb is: If someone is purchasing military-grade weapons, (perhaps stockpiling them for a “rainy day”), that person is probably not going to use those weapons to help cure cancer or build a community center for impoverished children.
These weapons can, and will, be used to murder large numbers of people, with amazing efficiency. Which is kind of what they were actually designed to do. That’s why we give them to armies, and why we, as citizens, should only be allowed to have weapons that kill 10’s of people at a time instead of hundreds.
Now let’s segue back to Pat Robertson through my clever use of the word “segue” just moments ago.
In his own words, loosely quoted from scripture:
“When there is no vision of God, the people run amok.”
Pat Robertson has, and will continue to “run amok”,…
due to his having no vision of GOD.
Written by Steven W. Rouach
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