Paul Ryan Gets “Schooled”, Learns That Everyone Hates Him.
By Steven W. Rouach
“Children are the future… let them lead the way”, are the lyrics from a song that’s so sappy, it’s an actual source for maple syrup, and can be used deliciously with pancakes. However, these words are shockingly apt as far as the future of the GOP goes. It’s the new “Titanic” of political parties, and those aboard their ship are too greedy, villainous, and in some cases… openly psychotic… to know what icebergs are, despite all their hard work destroying icebergs in the name of defying science.
It’s been widely reported that the next generation of young voters, are more likely to volunteer to be injected with liquified mouse droppings, than they are to vote republican. It’s an image problem. Most middle school aged children aren’t billionaires with fossil fuel interests, which indeed colors their perceptions.
So Paul Ryan met with a group of schoolchildren.
The best part about this story is that you must know Paul Ryan sprung out of bed that day (Literally. He sleeps on a spring!) and thought to himself: how much the students meeting him later are going to love him. He thought: “Sure, Pence cleared out the Norte Dame graduating students in the same way a guy from the CDC in a hazmat suit yelling ‘They can’t be contained! Run before they lay eggs in you!’ would have. But I’m different! I’m Paul ‘Nosferatu’ Ryan. They’re going to love me!”
And guess what happened. I’ll tell you because guessing is a chore (and I’m nice, see?)
The middle-school students refused to have a picture taken with him, (except for just a few who wanted to openly mock Ryan, and thus agreed to be photographed standing next to him, so that he can hear their cutting remarks about him looking exactly like the non-empathy version of Eddie Munster. They then sang the “Munsters Theme Song” at him, making up their own words. “Who sucks ass and kills the poor? It’s Paul Ryan, it’s Paul Ryan! Who wears a butt-plug and licks it clean? It’s Paul Ryan, it’s Paul Ryan!)
So, other than The South Orange Middle School’s Mockery Glee Club, Paul Ryan cleared out the 8th graders in the same way a guy from the CDC in a hazmat suit yelling “Seriously, they’re airborne and will penetrate your skin and lay a trillion eggs in you, Run children run, oh dear lord, run!” would have.
This was the day that Paul Ryan learned that he’s a completely unlikeable douche, that’s hated by most sentient life forms, as well as insentient ones. Kids hate him. Adults hate him. Everything hates him. If Paul Ryan’s own dog could talk he’d say “You sicken me Paul Ryan”.
Ryan then burst into angry tears, and wept, but much like a five year old girl would, very effeminately, but with much foot stamping and nasal discharge, and yelling “Why are they so MEAN? I hate them! I hate them! I hate them!”
This follows a string of self realizations slowly dawning on the Republican Party.
Wherever Betsy DeVoss is she is booed. Her own offspring boo her as she eats breakfast. People chant “you suck, you suck” at her wherever she goes. They only do this because, she indeed does suck, as a human being, at the job she is unqualified for, as well as everything else.
There’s the aforementioned Pence rapid evacuation of Norte Dame, the recent decision by all tortoises to no longer mate with Mitch McConnell’s face, and there are, and will be, many other examples as time goes on.
See, physics show that those who do evil and insanely cruel things, and also support and defend raw sewage, eventually wear out their welcome.
True story.
Written by Steven W. Rouach
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