Pavlov’s Trump, White House Staff Modifies Trump’s Phone To Emit Powerful Electric Shocks to Deter Trump From Tweeting
Shock Trump, Make Us Feel Better… (he’s down to the bare wire)
According to various inside sources, Trump’s White House staff has had Trump’s phone secretly augmented, to release a very powerful electric shock everytime Trump attempts to Tweet.
This newest attempt to keep Trump from tweeting was implemented almost two months ago, but, has yet to deter Trump in any way , shape, or form, despite repeatedly shocking Trump with 12,000 volts of powerful electric current, every time he sends a tweet. This idea is based on the famous “Pavlov’s dog” classical conditioning technique, which is, ironically, of Russian origin.
Not only has this plan, thus far, failed to deter Trump from tweeting, an unanticipated side effect of this, is that Trump now has so much electricity coursing through his system, Trump’s phone now automatically charges whenever he’s holding it, which further enables Trump to use the popular social platform. Some scientists believe the reason the “Pavlov method” does not work on Trump, is because Trump does not have the same level of deductive reasoning that many dogs have.
For example, after the tragic event in London earlier this week, Trump, with the well thought out, and careful gravitas befitting a world leader, spent much time crafting a message of solidarity and empathy and tweeted about the London attacks.
The first tweet read: “Hillary Clinton attacked London, using knives, a truck and a Maidenform bra which she used as a slingshot to hurl rocks at people!”
He then tweeted: “Notice no GUN DEBATE today, as it won’t be until tomorrow some maniac with very easy access to guns shoots many people, here in America, and Hillary now has all the guns she can carry!!! Sad.”
Then he tweeted: “London Mayor not alarmed by Hillary and Obama rampage in UK killing spree. WHY isn’t he trying to cause mass panic in London? Why is he not mentioning Hillary and Obama? Very suspicious!!”
Then he tweeted, as all the lights in the White House started to dim, “It’s time to stop being politically correct, and get down to the business of accusing London’s Mayor of being a radical Islamic terrorist who convinced Hillary to kill UK population, and why are sparks flying off of my fingers as I tweet this? Covfefe!!!”
and then, finally: “Giant Nut James Comey, stomping on London citizens with giant feet, crushing them to death like Godzilla, London Mayor says “Don’t Panic”, just because he thinks UK shouldn’t be as freaked out as entire US now is! Someone needs to look into this!!”
Trump’s White House staff, upon being informed of Trump’s London comments, immediately flew in Bill Cosby at great expense, and convinced Cosby to prepare a special drink to get Trump to pass out unconscious, in order to make him stop. According to one source, who asked not to be named, (so I belligerantly named her Ilene Dover), said : “Things got really weird after that,… once Trump eventually passed out, Cosby disrobed both himself and Trump, and then started doing really weird stuff to Trump’s feet. Secret service agents, after a short discussion, eventually decided to not interfere.
Now, some people in the UK are starting to believe Trump’s tweets aren’t completely factual, or well informed, and have been accusing Trump of using the tragic events to push his own agenda, a claim the Republican party universally disputes. In Trump’s defense these tweets were written during Trump’s motorcade to one of Trump’s golf courses, so Trump was distracted when he used Twitter to stoke fear for political gain, as he lambasted London’s Muslim mayor.
Trump regularly is shuttled off to his various golf courses to keep him from “getting fussy” and “having temper tantrums, where Trump lies on the floor kicking and screaming for hours at a time”.
Trump’s method of diplomacy stands out in stark contrast to former President Obama’s method of commenting on tragic events where innocent people are killed. Obama was more prone to send messages of unity and solidarity when tragedies occurred, in lieu of attacking allied countries. Some Americans miss Obama’s more laid back approach of careful responses, based on reality, that show the US as a country of empathy, as opposed to America and Americans being labeled as complete lunatics that elect maniacs hell-bent on destroying the entire world.
Written by Steven W. Rouach
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c2017 SWRouach
