President Donald J. Douchebag
If I’m the first to come up with that, you should all be ashamed (google says there are 27 of us). Because it’s an obvious joke at the president’s voters’ expense; inexcusable it didn’t occur to me until now. Please accept my fucking sincerest apologies. A friend told me not to use so many obscenities in my diary: sounds marketable, but fuck it.
Because there’s really no other way to adequately or accurately express how I feel about the late evolutionary chimps who now predominate the dipshit politics and religion, far right-white trashhole milieu from whence I sprang. Watching the grim, endless parade of their clickbait-to-like, refresh for new content, single-use, disposable, branded and marked, planned obsolescence, consumer bullshit anticulture — the latest tech, nonstop tv, movies, music, sports, fast food, politics, social media and 24/7 news — saturate the world consumer environment, I am appalled that our teachers, preachers and parents ever insisted it’s normal. Always assumed all those televangelists were buckfuckingnutty, but I see their point now: babylon, ye been warned.
Whether it’ll be terrorists or the global warming, I can’t say. But I know they or it’s coming for us. We can’t make three decades worth of Terminator and Hostel and get away with it; that shit was bound to come home to roost! So from my perspective, the question’s not why I hate America: it’s why you don’t; not even a little. If not, you’re a prick. Because some of it’s indefensible.
Desensitization
Patriots choose to revel like pigs in shit amuck the unjustifiable, unforgivable shame of our natives and slaves, Mexico, nazi collaboration, the atom bombs, MKUltra, JFK, agent orange, napalm, endless interventions, Iran-Contra, mujahedin aka Taliban cum al Qaeda, School of the Americas, the forever war, or operations Paperclip, Phoenix and Condor. But I don’t! Because gens x and y waded through some pretty awful, awesome miscarriages of justice in our day. It was relentlessly beamed into all the darkest recess of everything throughout the vile flowering of our youth, yet then troublingly unresolved unto this very day. We are left bewildered from watching the presidents of our childhood literally get away with murder and actually steal elections.
In the immediate postwar period, fascist family values rivals blew Kennedy’s brains all over his cuckolded wife because he tripped acid and discovered the true nature of predecessor Eisenhower’s outlandish claim about a vast military-industrial complex. He feared the bomb, hated the war and was good looking and well liked enough to convince others of the same, so they killed him for it. The same men subsequently struck backroom deals with terrorists to ensure that Reagan would defeat Carter — the only decent christian among them. Then out of dubious political expediency, they sold U.S. and Israeli guns to Iranian islamic fundamentalists fighting CIA-client Iraqi extremists, or Afghan radicals waging a proxy war against the crumbling USSR.
Which begat a self-regenerating cycle of nonstop violence and future-blind stupidity that would ultimately lead 20 years later to the World Trade Center in ruins. While the crypto-fascist ruling clique simultaneously used those arms sale proceeds to illegally fund counterrevolutionary forces in Nicaragua and secretly bolster death squads in neighboring El Salvador. Whence bloodshed would spill across all south and central America to destabilize an entire region for generations. This also inadvertently flooded U.S. inner cities with crack cocaine, and rural areas with migrant agricultural worker refugees with no more homes left to return to in their countries of origin. Because team USA’s vapid, nonsensical and unwinnable war on drugs had utterly destroyed them.
They told us to just say no, then didn’t even bother to give it a second thought once it became clear we were all going to emphatically say yes and the drug wars were no one’s fault but our stupid fucking own. America the exceptional. We’re number one. USA, USA! Loud and proud. Doubtless, unquestionable and immune to criticism, no matter how stupid or cruel the justification for it need be; nor how foul and reprehensible the actual historical facts are. Why let human rights violations corrupt our self-image? Fuck that! Proud to be an American: slave-driving, indian-killing, asian-raping, bomb-dropping and all!
I admit America does good things too, but stroking the cock of self is futile. If anyone is entitled to mock and belittle their own country, it’s me: native born son and citizen thereof from out the baptist militia backwoods who speaks the white victim jackass language of micro-aggressions, men’s rights, white lives matter, virtue signaling and free speech at all costs and any expense. Tongues too; we all fucking love to speak in tongues. Holier than thou for sure. Only thing bigger than that cross hanging around the neck is this dick hanging between the legs. Scraping the ground, but that’s ok because it don’t feel nothing no more no how, after a lifetime of vigorous masturbation to online porn; bathed in the soft digital glow of good christian smartphones bearing witness to good christian girls who put out doing the worst things imaginable.
Painting everything with a thin veneer of patriotism. Best, freest time and place to ever be alive makes it immune to criticism, and obliges us to always rub it in everyone’s face as much as possible. Free yer fuckin hatespeech like klan nazi kin in Charlottesville! Don’t be victimized by the very values liberal society has granted conservatives. Which they claim to hold so dear only when convenient, then happily abuse when not. Sanctimonious victimhood, resentment and entitlement all rolled into one speechlessly angry and indignant, quivering fatball of pasty, flabby manchildren doomed to never leave their parents’ basement because the world hates them right back.
All men only created equal if they say so; until that shit becomes inconvenient. They genuinely do not understand why unremitting, relentless, only-when-convenient, double standard worldviews are offensive. It doesn’t matter why the only country to disregard the World Court more than Russia is America. Nor why the human rights crowd is deeply concerned that democracy might again become dangerous now that hate is regaining a mainstream platform.
Their attention is distracted by god, guns and chances to get away with acting racist. They love rights, liberties and freedoms. Until that shit threatens their selfish way of life, then they’re always fascistly first to deprive others the same courtesy. Who cares what we put in our mouths? — cocks or joints — they do. Just like freedom of religion except for islams. Actually primarily just for all types of christians. Or women can’t make birth control choices independent of the men who leave them pregnant and alone in the first place.
The fundamental problem with their putrescent, desiccated and dying husk of a worldview: conservative preoccupations and behavioral proscriptions orbit a constellation of cocks, joints, jesus, trannies and a vicious, self-repeating cycle of birth at all costs even if the child will be unwanted or unloved. Liberal and progressive ones deal in arguably more imminent things, like widespread deadly weapons, psychoses, public health, basic income, social security, etc.
As a white anglo-saxon protestant straight man securely lodged and festering within 21st century American ruling structures, I can confidently say my demographic has little to complain about. Certainly, relatively few people anywhere anytime in history ever had it better than we do. But that doesn’t mean we have to always rub it in their faces: salt in the old wounds, at everyone else’s expense and whatever cost. People die to come here; it’s a testament to our way of life: not something to mock, belittle or deride. And our human rights traditions are what make it that way!
To paraphrase army lawyer Joseph Welch when he turned public opinion against homo-nazi senator Joe McCarthy’s 1954 fascist antics: have they no sense of decency? The alt-white answer has always been clear, unmistakable and resounding: no. Both that disgraced conservative senator and his lead jew counsel Roy Cohn were lifelong, closeted bachelors who gleefully reveled in outing fellow gays on widely viewed national tv broadcasts: cruel publicity stunts designed to shore up dying careers that would never have existed in the first place were it not for the hard right’s immeasurable gullibility.
Kakistocracy
Sneering babylonians have been campily repurposing the crudest stereotypes of primitive christian and conservative prejudices to their own ends since at least 1957, when Andy Griffith’s A Face in the Crowd initiated one of our beloved national pastimes: ridiculing low education and no information fuckall flyover volk.
Yet these clueless unsophisticates are no closer to understanding that most of the jokes are on them. They’ve created a world rationalizing what the ancient Greeks sadly for my joke did not call the kakistocracy (English author Thomas Love Peacock didn’t coin this term until 1829): passive, self-imposed rule by the meanest, most selfish, dumbest and vilest among us. The ultimate far right-white trash jackass condition: willful ignorance of anything and everything with which they disagree; unthinking and thoughtless of others; always ready to change their tune in a split second if it becomes convenient.
So I say to ye 21st century cis-white christian American men; we are the most advantaged, enlightened, fortunate people in history. By accident of birth and a long organic chain of population and settlement patterns in our favor, no one’s ever had it better in the whole white world than we do; so bring that gay minority woman over here and let’s rub it in her face some more!
Plumb the depths
All this a predictable product of bullshit anti-culture heaped on back the good godfearing fuckall volk in flyover country. When the giant Icelandic brute popped the sexy Chileno’s head on earth’s most popular show, a single, paltry, individual death sickened us. And that’s a joke, because we spent decades watching van Damn and Schwarzenegger mow down literal fields of hapless fuckers and we loved every second of it!
Because we don’t give a shit about people unless we like them; really even then only if they’re hot. Nor did we ever think twice about it until a troubling thought hit halfway through I Spit on your Grave or House of 1,000 Corpses: why in fuck do we watch this nauseating, infernal filth? I keep thinking it can’t possibly get any worse: producers have plumbed the very depths and all the worst shit imaginable has already been imagined. But then they butcher a pregnant woman, burn a preteen girl to death or throw a newborn to ravenous hogs in just one single creation. Which is so mainstream that even the antiabortion crowd can get behind it and keep tuning in week after week.
Far out on the distant edges coming apart from the whirling center are indie flicks where they rape babies instead of feed them to pigs. Seems like that shit would be made in America, but thank fucking god it’s not: it’s Serbian. Why do they film such things? Well, not being formerly Yugoslav I can’t really say, but it’s probably got something to with the brutal civil war that made tiny border town Srebrenica a household holocaust name 50 years after the first one. But I do know America’s excuse and why there’s a market to film such things: because our consumers watch it.
Market forces, supply and demand, survival of the fittest, darwinism, dog eat dog, only the strong survive: fuck this sociopathy. Not sure it’s what free marketeer Adam Smith had in mind with his invisible hand, but the market is proof positive to substantiate that most people are irresponsible and prone to making terrible decisions. Like children, they require adult supervision and neither know what’s good for them, nor awful for all of us. Normalizing and socializing cinematic gruesomeness is akin to globalized, generational child abuse. Coupled with the advent of interporn, broad nextgen psychosis on the horizon. A rumoured UK epidemic of little girls surgically repairing prolapse is one indication we’re not taking the mainstreaming of niche phantasmagoria seriously enough. Analagony.com has literally broken the fourth wall: leapt forth from the url-hell whence it came to afflict us as an irl plague.
Yet unrepentant viewers insist otherwise. Defiantly trumpeting art imitates life! As though recreating history’s most dramatic and irreversible moments typifies the soul crushing, everyday realities that suffocate most people. Rape and revenge vigilantism like two of America’s greatest hits — Death Wish and I Spit on Your Grave — is thankfully not a reflection of everyday life as most people know it. So I posit that franchising it is also not representative thereof.
The lepers have breached the gates. Staggering forth from syphilitic sands.
Hypernormalization
America willfully created the pop trash, tabloid, reality anti-culture that misbegat this new madman the world must now call president. And when convenient, even the most liberals wrap themselves in the flag-pin patriotism of what the leader of the free world almost certainly calls the retard right when he thinks no one’s looking or can hear him. But honestly, he hates those moments; rather be in the spotlight. Because the studio audience agrees: five minutes of shame and humiliation is better than none at all!
Bitching-moaning about this latest president like it’s some new shit when this shit’s as old as the country itself. He’s right though, Washington and Jefferson were slave owners. Outside the quakers and jews, you’d be hard-pressed to find any whites who weren’t supremacists in antebellum America. And now, like then, markets create these hideous beasts: Nixon, Buchanan, Limbaugh, O’Reilly, Hannity, Beck, Palin, Bachman, Pence and the prez™. Reality tv and talk radio didn’t spawn in a vacuum; it arose from our meritocracy. And you know what else liberals? Conservative values might suck, but at least they have some! How in hell abortion became synonymous with feminism was a political bridge too far. It’s not normal to defend late-term beyond incest, rape or danger to the mother; however embryonic the zygote may scientifically be.
Taking responsibility for mistakes is normal; morning after is normal; birth control is normal (which unavailability is ironically conservatives’ fault). Late-term as fuck is not normal. It’s your child and you should love it, not medical waste. Fucking clinic bombers forget themselves too though; because some lives are worse if lived. So don’t back into a corner; there is a third way. It’s not always black and white, pro or anti-America, Russia, immigration, choice, torture, life, women, gays, war, whatever. Dualism plagues everything from religion to gender to science and is fucking stupid. We do not know it all; and would be better served to stop pretending we do.
But I’ve learned a lot from you conservative fuckers. It’s not actually America I hate; it’s my fellow Americans! Idiots oughta chill the fuck out and American’t for a bit. Take five Kentucky. You doubtless done surely earned it.
Validate by clapping or following, either here or on twitter cult. I integrate commenters’ insights into new pieces, so thanks for the ideas too! Peace.
