Republican Responses to the Trump “Pee Tapes”

There’s never been a better time for a little yellow journalism

Any day now, tapes will surface that show our commander-in-chief paying women to urinate on him.

How will Republicans respond?

“God loves floods.”
— Joel Osteen

“Mother used to call those ‘sun showers!’”
— Mike Pence

“That’s where babies come from.”
— Jared Kushner

“Jealous.”
— Ivanka Trump

“Call me when it’s blood. Then I’ll be interested.”
— Roger Stone

“Steve makes me shit on him all the time. These girls got off easy!”
— Louise Linton

“That would explain the toilet cam.”
—Angela Merkel

“The pee should have been lighter. A lot lighter. I drink 28 glasses of water a day, so I only pee white.”
—Jeff Sessions

“I sure hope he got their consent first.”
—Betsy De Vos

“Not! Grab that pussy, Donald. Grab all the pussy in the world!”
—Betsy De Vos

“Not jokes are in, right?”
—Betsy De Vos

“That was clearly lemonade. Those are lemonade girls, and everyone knows it. Franky, I find any insinuation otherwise to be insulting.”
—Sarah Huckabee Sanders

“That pee was Asian yellow! Right? Right? Please like me.”
—Jesse Watters

“They went out for Indian food afterwards. Then it got worse. So much worse. Some things cannot be unseen.”
—John Brennan

“Donald, call me.”
—R. Kelly