Six Things I’d Like To Ask TRUMP’S PET MONSTER Scott Pruitt, Before He Leaves Office

Goodnight Funnyman…

Facial Expression Provided By — “The Very Last Thing A Sex Worker Sees (LTD)”

Oh Scott Pruitt, destroyer of worlds, mortal foe to every plant and animal, and any humans from Earth who use clean air and water to do things such as survive.

AND YET, Scott “Willy Dewitt” Pruitt ALSO has mastered and furthered the science of corruption in ways not seen before in all of recorded history.

I’ve attempted to interview Mr. Pruitt MANY, many times but he keeps stealing my microphones and selling them on EBay! His 40 person security team of former Navy Seals (paid for by taxpayers) prevent me from retrieving them.

Between planet-killing and stealing everything everywhere simultaneously… GOSH who ever knew Scott Pruitt would be so talented at so many things?

So, without further ado, on this much joyous occasion, where Scott Pruitt leaves the scattered ashes amidst the rubble of the EPA,…
here’s SIX Thing’s I’d like to ask Scott “Middle name stolen” Pruitt

1. Why hasn’t Batman stopped you?
   Do you know his secret identity or do you just have him chained up in your evil lair?
2. GOD told me in a dream that GOD hates you. Specifically you. GOD even spelled your name out, but in really fancy letters. My question is: Does this make you feel special?
3. Do you plan to now live in a volcano until your next evil scheme hatches? Follow up question, did your wife ever find that high paying job you were trying to land for her? Second follow up to my follow is, — if yes, does she need an assistant? Can you get me an interview?
4. When you tapped into the EMERGENCY WATER FUND to give INSANE (more than most of us make in a year) FUN BONUSES to your friends that you hired, that ALSO never showed up to the EPA even once, did you think, at the time, the optics for this vis-a-vis* the public, would look bad?
   *(Vis-a-vis, a French word that means “credit card”.)
5. Will you attempt to rob Fort Knox and also attempt to release whatever insane toxic formula the Joker and Riddler are working on, by dumping it into the entire US supply of drinking water? FOR CLARITY — I expect you to do BOTH those things, what I’m asking is: whether you’ll do both on the same day.
6. Do you plan to steal a national monument and hold it for ransom? Is that what you discuss in your $45,000 dollar soundproof booth? — WHAT IS THAT THING ANYWAY? Does it give you superpowers? Is THAT how you defeated Batman? If I get one, can I defeat you? (So I can put you in Arkham Asylum where you belong). Anyway, do you plan to steal a national monument? If yes, which one? Liberty Bell? The Statue Formerly Known As “The Statue Of Liberty”?
7. BONUS QUESTION!!!!
   WHY WHY WHY DID YOU NEED A USED MATTRESS FROM TRUMP’S BEDBUG INFESTED HOTEL? Seriously? Did you need HUMAN DNA for some of your weird experiments? Does this involve the really expensive booth you had built? Are you gonna MORPH INTO SOMETHING EVEN SCARIER? Follow up question: if you do morph into a new kind of species will you still plot ways for the US government to pay for diamond encrusted pens as gifts for your friends, and lavish and expensive trips to places you weren’t even supposed to go to ?
   Please share your evil schemes so we can brace ourselves — for you to drown us in your tsunami of corruption, as we attempt to survive on Earth in your wake of destruction.

Written by Steven W. Rouach

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