STEVE BANNON TO HOST 2018 ACADEMY AWARDS
On the heels of Sean Spicer’s fun-loving, self-deprecating appearance at the 2017 Emmy awards, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has tapped Steve Bannon to host the 90th Academy Awards in March 2018. A spokesperson for the Academy told reporters, “we think that Bannon will bring the kind of fresh perspective that viewers demand — particularly white viewers.”
Sean Spicer was relieved of his White House responsibilities because he was unable to maintain President Trump’s high standard for incoherent, combative, demonstrably false attacks on logic and decorum. Thankfully, the Emmys were there to cushion his fall and introduce the world to Spicey 2.0.”
Spicer’s Emmy appearance was universally considered a triumphant return for an eloquent, hard-working communications professional — a man that gave new meaning to the phrase, “just following orders.” The reinvented version of Spicey has demonstrated great eagerness to be embraced by the Hollywood elites he used to scorn. And for America to laugh at his hilarious efforts to undermine democracy.
Steve Bannon is hoping for that and then some. The Academy decided that the original host for next year’s Oscars, Jimmy “the healthcare hippie” Kimmel, would be replaced because of his inability to connect with the newly emboldened white nationalist demographic. This group of voters are now “must have” award show viewers. The Academy expanded on this decision in their press release: “We are an inclusive organization that is eager to embrace all Americans, including xenophobes. Bannon speaks to this group with glorious aplomb.”
Rumors are flying about potential award presenters. Already confirmed include Ann Coulter, Richard Spencer, Peter Thiel, and a Pepe the Frog hologram. Anthony Scaramucci reportedly told Bannon to “go fuck yourself you fuckin fuck”, which is reportedly the Mooches way of saying maybe. Mike Flynn and Paul Manafort are also maybes, citing potential legal issues that may prevent them from attending the event. Current White House communications director Hope Hicks gave a “tentative yes”, saying, “fingers crossed I will get fired by then and can focus on my own 2.0 reinvention.”
The prospect of this fresh take on the Oscars sent shock waves through social media. #draintheoscarsswamp and #makeoscarswhiteagain (#MOWA) have been trending since the news broke, promising to make this event a cultural touchstone for years to come.
#Satire. The best satire. Tremendous. So many claps.
