The Ted Cruz Variety Show
Ted Cruz has two looks:
- Bearded … which makes you suspect he may have been the inspiration for the character Calvin J. Candie in Quentin Tarantino’s movie Django Unchained
2. Cleanshaven … which makes you suspect he may have been the inspiration for the character Damien in the movie Damien: Omen II … or, possibly, Jimmy Carr … or maybe even for The Emperor in Star Wars: Episode V — The Empire Strikes Back
Or for the original casting of Robin Williams as Oswald Cobblepot in the 1992 movie Batman Returns ¹
If he ever finds himself out of office and in need of a cash injection, he could always do standup impressions of Robin Williams doing standup impressions of Harrison Ford.
[Although there is a theory that Williams’ death was faked after he was offered a gig, standing in for Cruz, who did die (just like Paul McCartney) … which, when you think about it, would explain a lot ².]
Or of Jimmy Carr playing Richard Nixon
Or as a closeted Damaon Killian, entertaining ‘silver foxes’ with games based on Waterworld, in a remake of The Running Man, set on a cruiseliner trapped in 1998
There’s definitely a career in showbusiness awaiting him, if he’s ever offered the opportunity of peddling his political a** to big business, like a cheap motel parking lot hooker, and decides it isn’t for him.
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¹ That version of Cobblepot was deemed too scary for a PG-13 rating, however, and the character was reconceived as a cuddly, Beetlejuice, type figure (played by Danny DeVito).
² None of this can be proven, of course … but it does make you think, doesn’t it?
Is Ted Cruz really Ted Cruz or is he an impersonator?
Was Robin Williams really Robin Williams or was he Cruz’s side-hustle alter-ego?
Is Cruz the Devil’s own son in mortal form?
Cruz’s pretensions to caring about The American People™ might after all be seen by some to be as convincing as Mrs Doubtfire’s makeup
