The Commuter Chronicles
Were I to update this on a purely ad hoc basis, as and when you’d all been not merely annoying AF but abominably so … the kind of annoying to which a response of nuking the entire planet from orbit, destroying all life on the only one in existence known to support it (finally ridding the Universe, once and for all, of your verminous presence) would be the example non plus ultra of naive, tree-hugging, hippy dippy, bleeding heart liberalism … then all I’d have the time to do all day, every day, would be to update this one post.
So ... as I have infinitely better things to do with my time ¹ than waste it on you sorry arsed losers ² ... it will be updated on an ad hoc basis, solely when I have recovered enough from the iniquities visited upon me by the kind of godless universe that would allow you to have ever existed in the first place, let alone continue to do so to my unspeakable distress ³.
Thus, you should probably bookmark it and check back periodically to see what other outrageous misfortune has befallen me in the godsforsaken ⁴ existence I, in moments of unbridled optimism, bitterly refer to as 'my life'.
In the meantime, you’ll have to content yourselves with these, such as they are — I’ve got better things to do.
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¹ Just ask Lorraine Heth - she wouldn't agree with me ... but she'd understand where I'm coming from.
² Picking lint from my navel … arguing with the lunatics at Speaker’s Corner … drinking from the toilet bowl of the most frequented facility at a six month long hippy festival — during which time it had not been emptied even once.
³ Seriously ... the pain of your existence is such that not even the Bard himself could have given voice to it at the very zenith of his genius.
⁴ Not just one, but any and all of them.
