The Confederate Battle Flag Identifies as Trans
GETTYSBURG, PA — In a statement made by a group of Confederate Flag supporters at the site of one of the most decisive battles of the Civil War, The Confederate Battle Flag came out as trans.
“Maybe when it was new the flag stood for slavery and oppression,” said Master Baufort James McJames-McMasters, “but now it stands for states’ rights. Libtards need to accept that this is how the flag is identified now, and get over it.”
“States’ rights means being able to say yeah, you were born one way and that’s how you are for life, and you can’t change it no matter what you say. States’ rights means that if we want things to go back to the way they were in the good old days, then we have the right to do that,” said Ellen McJames-McMasters-McMasters-McJames, Mr. Mc-McJames-McMasters’s wife. “Just because you decide that you think you’re a woman doesn’t make you a woman if you were born with a penis. And we can say this because we’ve decided that far from representing racism and oppression, the flag created to fight a war defending the right to own slaves is actually a flag that means states’ rights and nothing else. The South shall rise again!”
These announcements come as a shock to anyone who read the articles of secession, in which slavery is repeatedly mentioned as reason for secession from the union, and at no point is states’ rights mentioned outside of the context of the legality of slavery. When this was raised with the group, Kerry Kerry McKerry-O’Kerry had in interesting point of view on the subject.
“These sorts of things are living documents. You can’t just read the words in the document and decide that’s exactly what it means today. The meaning of words can change, and attitudes about what constitutes the rights of states can change. If you don’t believe me, just look at the Constitution, which can never be interpreted to mean anything other than the exact words the founders used, like the clause on owning an SMG or banning abortion.”
