The Rhodesian Ridgeback Parable
Rhodesian Ridgebacks are fierce.
If you aren’t familiar with the Ridgeback, it was bred to hunt lions. Yeah. Lions. Ricky Gervais accurately observed that the Ridgeback got a bad assignment when the genetic gods created it in his recent Netflix special Humanity. You also don’t need to imagine what centuries of lion-hunting have done to the psyche of the Ridgeback. As insane as it might sound, this breed of dog is intended to be able to kill the King of all animals — and some people have it just hanging out at home.
The Ridgeback is a very protective dog that can easily become aggressive when it encounters strangers. A strong, assertive person is required to keep this dog from doing some serious damage to other humans in the neighborhood. If a Ridgeback gets into the hands of the wrong person, it should go without saying, there can be deadly consequences.
Don’t get me wrong. The Ridgeback is a beautiful dog. It is smart and strong, and doesn’t even bark all that much. A good owner can raise a happy and well-socialized Ridgeback. It can be a lover and a protector, and isn’t inherently bad.
It is just inherently deadly.
The other day, a Rhodesian Ridgeback and a Siberian Husky wandered into the taproom where I bar-tend, with their owner in tow. These dogs were strong and beautiful. Their owner is a laid back 20-something who seems to be quite proud of this unique pair.
He was also pretty casual with the dogs, letting them wander and get to know the place. Ostensibly, this was a good way to get the dogs acclimated to the new environment. As he sipped cider with his friends, his dogs snooped and sniffed their way through the place, both on very long leashes. No big deal. Just a normal Thursday evening at the taproom, where dogs are honestly more welcome than children.
After about fifteen minutes, a guy came in to deliver a box full of pretzels. The Ridgeback snapped, barking with an intensity intended to make the delivery guy pause and reflect on his life. Other people had walked in and out of the taproom without any reaction from the Ridgeback, so I supposed it was unsure of the box the man was carrying. Not cool, but explicable, I thought.
Ten minutes later, another guy came in carrying music gear. He was there to play music later that evening. Again, the Ridgeback unloaded its lion-taming roar, one that would put any Rottweiler or Doberman to shame. With that famous ridge of hair standing at attention on its spine, the Ridgeback stood guard, staring the sweetest young man in Longmont down as if he were carrying a bazooka in that guitar case.
At this point, a good owner would have reeled in his dog. He would have some skills to disarm the weapon that was about to go off on an innocent person. He just said, “Sorry. She honestly never does this. I don’t know what’s going on with her. She’s a really nice dog.”
Two minutes later, my coworker walks out from the production area carrying a box and a jacket. This time the Ridgeback snapped its jaws at her, again barking so wildly that I wanted to run away. Since dogs are wild animals at heart, I don’t trust the ones that act like they enjoy eating humans. She laughed it off and stood talking to us at the end of the bar. Behind her, the Ridgeback silently puffed its chest, standing guard between her and its owner. It peered with its lion-killer eyes at her back, waiting for her to make a move.
I complained to my coworker (the one who was almost eaten alive) about the dog, wondering why anyone would want to have a Rhodesian Ridgeback as a pet when it is a lion-killer at heart. She said that it wasn’t a dog issue but an owner issue. She argued that there is nothing wrong with the dog itself. The problem is the person carrying, er, raising the dog.
The problem isn’t the dog, but the person with the dog.
The problem isn’t the gun, but the person with the gun.
Sounds the same. I’m a dog problem/gun problem guy. I don’t understand the desire of some people to own a potentially dangerous breed of dog. I also don’t understand the desire of some people to own a potentially dangerous weapon.
My coworker is an owner problem person. She sees the owner of the dog or the gun as the problem, not the other way around. But, we wouldn’t ban the 20-something owner of the dog from the taproom simply because he owns a Rhodesian Ridgeback, though we might ask him not to bring his dog/weapon with him (essentially banning the dog).
There is some truth on both sides of the argument. It is somewhat easier to see when looking at the gun issue through this Rhodesian Ridgeback lens. There are responsible gun owners who are able to keep their guns from posing danger to innocent people around them. There are also irresponsible gun owners who are unable to keep their guns from posing danger to innocent people around them.
Over 50% of gun owners say they keep at least one gun in an unlocked location in the house, like in a drawer or under the bed. Even if all the other guns are locked in a cabinet, they still have one somewhere that isn’t safe.
So even the majority of safe people, the good gun owners, have one unsafe gun in the house.
Is it the owner or the gun? I think the answer is yes. It’s the owner, and it’s the gun. Is there any surefire way to keep the wild inside a Rhodesian Ridgeback? I imagine there isn’t. Deep inside the kindest, mildest, warmest Ridgeback is a lion-killer.
Is there any surefire way to keep guns from hurting innocent people? Again, I imagine there isn’t. Even the most responsible gun owner is carrying a dangerous weapon, to themselves or others, no matter what the purpose of the gun is. Though shrouded in mystery, I give Dick Cheney the benefit of the doubt that he didn’t intend to shoot his friend in the face while quail hunting in 2006.
But he did.
And it’s all complicated.
We may never solve the problem of death by guns in this country. But we can get better at talking with each other about it. Guns are inherently deadly. They are intended for only one purpose — to be able to kill another living thing. Unlike dogs, guns are inanimate objects. They require an external actor in order to be deadly. And most gun owners are responsible. And most of those gun owners also keep one gun accessible and loaded at all times. It’s a complicated issue, and we would all do well to acknowledge that, no matter where we fall on the gun problem/owner problem spectrum.
One thing is for sure: I’ll never own a Ridgeback, and I’ll never own a gun — just to be safe.
