Truth In Satire
Throwing Bone To Spurned Daughter, Trump Says Tiffany Will Be Named Secretary Of State In Second Term
President also announced that neglected ex-wife Ivana will become “Ambassador to Transylvania”
Donald Trump is trying to make amends with disenfranchised family members with two months remaining in his moribund presidency.
On Wednesday, the president announced that frequently passed over daughter, Tiffany Trump, “will become Secretary of State in my second term. Mike Pompeo is going to step down to allow Tiffany to have her moment in the sun. She’s highly qualified.”
Trump also said that his overlooked ex-wife Ivana will be named Ambassador to Transylvania. Transylvania is not a country, however if it was the president said, “No one would be better for this position than my vampiress ex.”
In a final appointment for his fictional second term, Trump said that his idiot second son Eric Trump would move from president of Trump University to become Secretary of Education.
“Eric is exactly the right guy to dumb down my Republican voters to ensure I can dupe them into electing me for to a third and forth term,” said the president. “He also recently got his high school equivalency degree, making him even more qualified than outgoing secretary Betsy DeVos.”
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