Trump, A Real Nowhere Man, Making All His Nowhere Plans For Everybody!
He ISN’T a BIT like you and me…
Pictured: Donald J. Trump signing an executive order.
“You couldn’t get a pen in your foot, you swine!”- John Lennon, 1964
Ah, being popular and liked. It’s a struggle for many of us. Not for me, of course, because I’m ADORABLE, and an absolute delight to be around, but for many others, it’s a struggle.
Part of being liked is being invited to places. Milestones such as weddings, Bar-Mitzvahs, births, and funerals.
But do you know who is never invited to any of those things?
Did you guess Kevin Spacey, Scott Baio, Jared from Subway, or Ted Nugent? If so, you’re close because all four are accused of sexually assaulting one or more minors — and they have that trait in common with Donald J. Trump (who now prefers to be called by his rap nickname: D.J. Dotardius Treason-Face East).
Poor rich Donald Trump is never invited anywhere anymore.
Gee, I wonder why…
Barbara Bush’s funeral, England’s royal wedding, John McCain’s funeral… here’s what they sent Trump.
At all those events, Trump was “ a persona non grata” — which (as those of us who speak Latin already know), is a fancy way of saying he was “a person made of grated cheese”, which is why Kellyanne Conway has been known to call him “commander in cheese”.
I’m not even making that up, she really said that weird, weird, thing with her weird, weird, mouth.
Don’t believe me? Here you go, but golly, where’s the trust?
But, I think the thing that hurt Trump most — is being disinvited to events that he was specifically invited to in the past, and had a deep history and connection to. For example:
The LAVISH 2018 Commemorative Celebration of Giant Ferrets Stapled to a Hair Weave (the GFSHW) where Trump was previously indeed the only speaker since its inception, did not invite him this year.
Both 2017 and 2018’s Long Tie and Ill-Fitting Suit Wearers Support Group Seminar asked Trump to not attend.
The Annual Fundraiser for Guys Who Like Big Butts But Always Lie- has banned Trump from attending, even though they said they didn’t, which is PROOF they did because they always LIE. — It’s right there in the name!
The Diminatti Conference (the Illuminati’s centuries-long sworn foe) have had Trump removed from their guest list.
The Mad Hatters Club have disinvited Trump,
-as well as:
The Annual Dinner For People Who Act Like They Got Hit In The Head With a Shovel.
&
The Monthly FUN!-Raiser For Angry, Rich, White Guys Who Are Glad The Beatles Broke Up.
So, what can be done? Well, I’ve compiled a list of:
4 Things Trump can do to become more liked!
- Cut your hair, you HIPPIE!
- Maybe don’t be a complete DICK every second of every moment of every day.
- If there is a breath mint 1,000,000,000 times stronger than Tic-Tacs, maybe switch to those…
- More Melania body doubles. Having Melania around softens your image because people see she hasn’t murdered you yet. You should also start just having two Melania body doubles around at any given time, the way Tony Orlando always had two women named Dawn in Tony Orlando & Dawn. You’re a lot like Tony Orlando’s music in that you both suck profoundly and you’re both extremely dangerous, and you’re both covered in dust.
Donald & His “Plus One”, -All Dressed Up And Nowhere To Go… See how sad he looks? It’s his only friend, and yet it also despises him and will soon testify against him.
Also, FUN FACT:
It is to my sense of irony to discover during the course of writing this, Nowhere Man’s actual, REAL, name was: Jeremy Hillary Boob, Ph.D.
…Isn’t that Spooky?
Unfortunately, I forgot to label these images so I can’t say for sure which is which…
Trump is as blind as he can be, he just sees what he wants to see, and yet he’s not a bit like you, or me, or anyone who ISN’T a horrible Blue Meanie-à l’orange!
(*à l’orange, a French phrase that translates to: “orange idiot”).
Written By Steven W. Rouach, in a Yellow Submarine, because All We Need Is Love.
swrouach@gmail.com
- FUN FACT: Every time you give a round of applause at the bottom of the page of one of my stories, I literally leap up and take a bow. True story.
- If You Follow Me, I Will Lead You Into Nonsense.
- Here’s my Facebook group (Join Us!!) https://www.facebook.com/groups/punchedbyasnowflake/
- If you’d like to support my writing, please do so here: https://www.patreon.com/StevenRouach
©2018 SWRouach
