Trump Courier Services (TCS)
President Elect Trump launches a revolutionary new messaging system
“I think the computers have complicated lives very greatly. The whole, you know, age of computer has made it where nobody knows exactly what’s going on. We have speed and we have a lot of other things, but I’m not sure you have the kind of security you need.”
President Elect Donald Trump, Dec 30, 2016
“I don’t believe in it because I think it can be hacked, for one thing. But when I send an email — if I send one — I send one almost never. I’m just not a believer in email.”
President Elect Donald Trump, 2013, In a court deposition.
It was only a matter of time. Wasn’t it?
We all know that the new President hates emails and he would much rather rely on people more than computers. But how many of you know that the Trump transition team and a completely independent third party contracting company based out of India, (who have absolutely no ties with Donald J. Trump, his respectable sons Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump or their companies, and his ultra respectable daughter Ivanka Trump or any of her layered or hidden companies) have already worked on a revolutionary new service that would alter the way we communicate?
Donald J. Trump had this to say as part of the press release that went out announcing the launch of this service called “Trump Courier Services (TCS)”.
“I love what these guys have done. This is the most secure way to send messages to me. We are launching this service with the ability to send messages to just me first. Then we will grow into big league and offer this to all citizens of the country to send messages to each other. It’s going to be fast. This is a terrific step forward..”
Here is how TCS works:
First you have to install an app from the app store (Will be available on the app stores from Jan 21, 2017). Once you launch the app, this is how it looks. There is no account set up and none of that.
Click on “Send a message to POTUS”.
Click “Submit”. That’s it. Your message will be on its way in the most secure way ever possible in the history of modern mankind in the US.
You will receive this confirmation message as soon as your message is accepted and scheduled for delivery.
You can track the delivery of your courier by clicking on “Track your courier delivery”.
As you can see, depending on the volume of the messages that arrive everyday and from where they are being sent, the couriers will be routed through one or many of these four secured routes for a safe delivery to the President. Once it is delivered to the Mother Ship, you will receive a text message on your phone or a voice mail on your home phone number, confirming that the courier has been successfully delivered and that it is very safe & secure.
The estimated delivery time for a message is anywhere beween 17 to 29 days.
The press release also had this flow chart, outlining the actual process flow. If this doesn’t put anyone to rest about how safe and secure we all are going to be as a country under President Trump, I am not sure what will.
Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. It is just a coincidence that the service name TCS, has an uncanny resemblance to an Indian software company, TCS. It just adds more fun to the imagination. Don’t you think?
