Trump Decides to FINALLY Fix Climate Change by Using the Vast Powers of STUPIDITY.
Let’s All Close Our Eyes and Wish it Away.
Donald Trump, “The Hero of the Stupid”, has come up with an inventive way to solve the climate change problem that will soon leave many of us underwater.
For reference: an actual SMART person, Neil Degrasse Tyson, recently gave a wonderful example of what my own state, New York, will soon be like.
“Picture the Statue of Liberty. The water will soon be up to her elbow.” — Neil Degrasse Tyson
Inspiring words, indeed.
So, that’s just the entire NYC under 200 feet of water.
Isn’t that FUN?!?
I have already purchased an inner tube shaped like Bugs Bunny, so I’m fully prepared for the mass devastation on its way here. But I fear for my friends and neighbors.
And now, Donald Trump took time out of his grueling two-hour-work-day to help to destroy the Earth. I don’t know why we’re surprised, it said in the Bible that he would do exactly that, and yet we’re still shocked…
SO, despite having a tragically short attention span coupled with dementia, Trump has come up with a BIG PLAN to finally end climate change!
(Drumroll…)
“Just PRETEND IT’S NOT HAPPENING!”
(Rim-shot and cheers from his base, the base voted: “Most likely to yell at minorities on YouTube”).
That’s right. To solve the problem of climate change, Trump has decided to bend and break all the rules of Science, Physics, and Sanity, by inventing “THE REVERSE TINKER-BELL EFFECT”.
Here’s how that works.
If we all say “Climate Change Doesn’t Exist” it will simply go away.
YAY!
So, how do we all hypnotize ourselves to make sure the issue of GLOBAL WARMING doesn’t bother us, even as we’re all floating away in NY, or on fire in CA, or battered in tornados, hurricanes, and mudslides in the Midwest?
The answer is simple. Get a bunch of NON-SCIENTISTS to PRETEND they’re scientists (despite knowing nothing about science), and have those people just say — “Global Warming doesn’t exist and fossil fuels are HEALTHY and helpful for all of us to breath in our air and drink in our water, and everything is awesome, AS LONG AS WE KEEP USING FOSSIL FUELS!
Problem solved. Easy breezy.
So, Trump is assembling a team of pretend scientists to dispute the claims of pesky, actual, real, scientists who insist on NOT denying climate change, just because they belligerently fear catastrophic events that wipe out all of humanity.
Let’s have a look at Trump’s new team to change all US Government Findings on the science of Global Warming.
(And YOU said Trump changing reality as he sees fit is DANGEROUS. Tee hee)
Now, to solve the Global Warming problem by saying “there’s no such thing as Global Warming”, Trump has his cadre of monsters and ghouls searching the US for people silly enough to be willing to invent ALTERNATIVE SCIENCE while wearing a lab-coat.
This plan is championed by William Happer, the National Security Council’s senior director. Here’s a candid photo of William Happer with his very best friend (photo taken by Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post)
As you can see in the photo above, William Happer is a totally relatable guy who absolutely LOVES Satan. They’re really very close.
Officially: The White House is planning to assemble an “ad hoc group” of …“scientists” to re-evaluate the federal government’s current conclusions about climate science and the negative impact of fossil fuels.
Here are some photos of the first four ‘ad hoc’ Alternative Science Re-Evaluators to join Trump’s “Global Warming Doesn’t Exist!” Campaign.
And here are some photos of the second four Trump appointed “Alternative Scientists”
And, here are photos of the next four scientists to join “The Global Warming Denial All-Stars”.
And lastly, these four Alternative Scientists.
And since every team of fake scientists who make up alternative facts for hire needs a team leader, we have this guy in charge!
Yes, I know he’s only six years old, BUT he’s willing to deny climate change publicly, in exchange for cookies (*as long as they don’t have raisins).
So, EXCITED that Climate Change and Global Warming will soon be GONE — due to the powers of imagination, in order to make Trump’s fossil fuel friends who donate VAST amounts of money to his campaign happy? — Will YOU be living in underground silos with your family soon, or are you poor like me and expect to just be washed away when the tsunamis hit? Let us know in the comments below!
Written by Steven Rouach, (shortly before the catastrophic end of the Earth occurred due to the profound idiocy of Donald J. Trump).
FUN FACT: Every time you give a round of applause at the bottom of the page of one of my stories, I literally leap up and take a bow. True story.
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