Trump Is Still Causing Many New Yorkers to Avoid 5th Avenue despite His Florida Move.
Trump’s maniacal lawyer declared Trump has the right to shoot anyone he wants, free of consequence. No, really. That really happened.
Okay, okay, let’s all calm down. No need to panic, even though in truth we should all be very PANICKED! (For SO many reasons…) But, we need to focus.
Donald Trump’s lawyer has granted Trump a license to kill. ISN’T THAT FUN?!?!
Now, keep in mind if, say, the Queen of England (a woman who once met The Beatles!) went on a murder spree, she would probably get in trouble. And yet, Donald Trump can murder us with impunity.
Now, I don’t know if this unfathomable power of his extends to the entire country or is limited to NY, but I do know the Republican Party will support it. — Mick Mulvaney will go on TV and say “People get murdered all the time because of him since 2016! GET OVER IT!” and the GOP will cheer and enthusiastically clap their hooves and swing their tails.
Trump specifically mentioned Fifth Avenue in NY — (*named after famed boxer Joey Fifthavenue Monsterface, 277 wins with 285 KO’s if you include the winos he knocked out in his spare time.), — as a place to begin his series of murders, and I wondered if other New York residents were as freaked out about this as I am.
So, in true journalistic fashion, I spoke with various New Yorkers despite having to leave my apartment to do so.
Here are their responses.
“I wear a bulletproof vest now, -but what if Trump shoots me in the FACE?”
— Ferris Wheeler (a concerned NY man who works on 5th avenue).
“I just avoid 5th Avenue. If I need to cross it, I wait until he does one of his live interviews in front of loud helicopters that drown out the reporters’ questions and distract from how crazy his responses are”.
— Candace Spencer
“I and my friends use the sewers to cross between 4th & 6th. Sure it’s an inconvenience and there are rats larger than Leonardo DiCaprio, but Trump is a madman and I’m sure he’ll eventually go on a killing spree”
— Chris P. Bacon
Inspiring words, indeed…
I then had THIS enlightening interaction.
Here is an example of where I used my subtle journalistic tactics to deftly get the information I was seeking.
Me: Hi, I’d like to…
NY Man: Get the f**k away from me or I’ll hit you with this hammer!
Me: You know what, pal? I like the cut of your jib! And that is an awesome hammer.
NY Man: Isn’t it? I got it off a guy I hit with a rock on 53rd. You should go and see if he has another one.
Me: Oh, I’d probably just buy one… so, are you afraid to be shot on Fifth Avenue by Trump as much as I am?… I’m asking for science.
NY Man: No… a lot of people are scared, sure, but he’s pretty feeble and incompetent. I’d lay odds he’d probably wind up shooting himself if he attempted to shoot anyone.
Me: Wouldn’t it be great if he shot himself in the groin?
NY Man: Sure would! Mushroom everywhere! It would solve a lot of problems. I’ve decided I like you and I now demand that you date my sister!
Me: Does she carry a hammer too?
NY Man: No, a Taser.
Me: I like her already.
Yep. It really makes you think.
— So, EXCITED that Trump’s lawyers are convinced he’s ABOVE ALL LAWS — NOW INCLUDING MURDER?!? Will YOU be avoiding 5th Avenue until Trump is safely in prison where he absolutely positively belongs? Let us know in the comments below!
Written by Steven W. Rouach
swrouach@gmail.com
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