Trump’s Lawyers Ty Cobb & John Dowd Perform Show At DC Steakhouse.
“Try the veal! We’ll be here all week!” Says Cobb & Dowd
In an unexpected surprise performance, Ty “Cornon the” Cobb, and John “DJ Dowdy” Dowd, two of the four members of the comedy troupe: “Trump’s Lawyers. No, Seriously, We’re Trump’s Lawyers!”, put on an AMAZING, and entertaining show for their fellow patrons at a popular Washington D.C. Steakhouse, BLT Steak.
The name, “BLT Steak”, quite ironically, actually stands for: “Blurting out Lawyer stuff about Trump”, a fact not lost on his lawyers.
Dowd and Cobb were celebrating Cobb’s winning the prestigious “Most Ridiculous Mustache On Earth Award”, narrowly beating last years champion Lonnie Tick, when Mr. Tick, a known lunatic (once again, ironically…), chewed through his restraints and attacked the judges, causing his disqualification.
Cobb and Dowd entered the popular restaurant, and, after consulting with their waiter,… Ty Cobb ordered “corn on the Cobb”, and John Dowd ordered “steak on the Dowd”. Then, both men stood up, and started loudly clinking their glasses with spoons, to draw the attention of all in attendance.
Cobb then announced, “Hello everyone, we’re two of the four members of the “Trump’s Lawyers. No, Seriously, We’re Trump’s Lawyers!” comedy troupe, and we’d like to put on an impromptu performance for all of you!”
Dowd continued, “If there’s anyone from the New York Times, or Washington Post in the room, please try to reseat yourself closer to us, as I have a feeling you’re not going to want to miss anything!”
Cobb then said: “There’s a lawyer working with us that’s ‘a McGahn spy’ and McGahn has documents locked in a safe! Isn’t that amazing? I also have a colleague who tried to push Jared Kushner out, because Jared took a LOT of meetings with Russian spies, and was recorded saying he wants to set up communications to Russia that are secure from U.S. monitoring. Can you imagine that?”
Dowd then continued, “Now, I’m of the opinion that we should cooperate with the Russia investigation, because I don’t want to go to jail, and Trump never pays his bills anyway.”
Cobb then said: “Okay now we’re going to do a few minutes of improv comedy. Someone shout out a profession… Okay, I heard ‘Lawyer’. Great!”
Then Dowd said: “Now let’s come up with a location. I just heard someone in the back say ‘a steakhouse’! That was easy, this stuff writes itself!”
What followed, was 38 minutes of HILARIOUS improvisational comedy, that everyone could relate to. Cobb and Dowd, then produced extremely detailed marionettes of Trump, Trump’s son (and future Dexter victim) Donald Trump Jr., Flynn, Kushner, Sessions, Manafort, and Russian heartthrob, Sergey Kislyak, and proceeded to perform a very well thought out and precise puppet show, of how they think the trials will pan out.
After this, Cobb then went on to say,
“Okay, legal strategies we have come up with. First, all four Trump lawyers are going to say to the prosecution: ‘Hello-oo, hello-oo, hello-oo, HELLO!’ In harmony, just like the beginning of the Three Stooges, which is what we on Trump’s legal team originally called ourselves, before we changed the line-up of the act.
Dowd, then said, “The four of us will then poke each other in the eyes, tear each other’s hair out, and then steal the judge’s gavel to hit each other over the head with. The judge, jury and prosecution will be laughing SO hard with side splitting hilarity, they won’t even remember what they were upset about, and let all the treason stuff slide!”
Cobb then stated: “If anyone in the back couldn’t hear what we were saying about our legal strategies, and gossip about people connected with the case, transcripts are available near the front, by where the croutons are, in the salad bar. This guy knows what I’m talking about!”
Dowd finished with, “Okay, that’s all we have time for, because the police are probably already on their way, so please don’t forget to tip your waiters and waitresses, and don’t forget to try the steak!”
Written By Steven W. Rouach
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