Trump’s Trade War has AMAZING Results!
Serious Consequences from a Silly Presidential-Place-Holder.
Here’s the problem with Donald Trump’s AMAZING IDEA to have a TRADE WAR. (In all caps.)
ATTENTION TRUMP SUPPORTERS: We are no longer a manufacturing country. We are a SERVICES country.
What does that mean?
Well, let’s say an iPhone cost $27,000 and was known, and even expected, to explode, on fire, moments after turning it on.
Would you buy one?… No?
Well, that’s why Trump’s trade war is almost as idiotic as Trump’s sawdust-and mouse-droppings-filled head is.
See, Americans don’t WANT to work for .86 cents a day and sleep on cots in a factory. — We like having health care, we like not working 80 hour weeks, we like not being on the verge of starvation. So, a lovely blouse that costs $4.99 and is made overseas, can be made here for only $685.95, but there’s a good chance the stitching would be terrible, and there might not be things like holes for your arms to go through, due to poor quality control.
We just don’t make things anymore. We SUCK at it. And, long story short, we’re about five years away from all manufacturing being performed by robots anyway. Manufacturing jobs are soon to be like coal-related jobs. Your best bet to find one, is through time travel.
What we ARE is a SERVICES country.
Look at the shops near you. What do you see? Nail Salon, Restaurant, Starbucks, Nail Salon, Duncan Donuts, Nail Salon, Barber Shop, Nail Salon, Pizza Place, and another Starbucks. ALL Services. That’s what we do now.
So, if we were to spend $1,500.00 on a high-end TV that was made in Asia, instead of the same TV made here in the good old USA that would cost $136,000 dollars but made way, way, worse, (like, where the picture is sometimes upside down…), we’d actually SAVE $134,500 dollars that we can then spend on coffee and our nails.
People tried to explain this to Donald Trump, the way you would to a very small child cursed with very little brain function due to his parents using him to taste-test new strains of LSD. Gary Cohn performed a one-man puppet show, trying to get through Trump’s quicksilver-fleeting 12-second attention span and Trump’s thick cloud of halitosis. — And Trump, of course, refused to listen because Donald J. Trump* is a total and complete lunatic.
(*He now prefers to be called by his Rap-Music nickname: D.J. Treason-Face-Dotardius-Butt-Flapz-East)
Here’s a FUN FACT —
China, the world’s largest soybean buyer, has been a longtime importer of soybeans from the U.S., the world’s largest producer. — With soybean trade between the two countries worth $12 billion last year.
China for the first time since the trade war erupted with the U.S. imported NO American soybeans in the month of November.
China instead bought more than 5 MILLION TONS of soybeans from Brazil.
Isn’t that FUN?!?
In lieu of selling 5 MILLION TONS OF SOYBEANS, we instead sold NONE, and gave Brazil the BEST HOLIDAY GIFT EVER! Oh, and guess what! — We ALSO had to shell out $12 BILLION DOLLARS to farmers — to offset the insane losses they incurred by voting for Donald J. Trump*.
(*He now prefers to be called by his NEW Rap-Music nickname, — D.J. Oral-Fecal-Spray V-Ladz-Butt-Plug-Licka III)
How did this happen, you ask? (Via the voices in my head I always just assume are you).
Well, Donald’s father, Fred Trump, used to like to hit baby-Donald over the head with a hammer before leaving to attend his Ku Klux Klan meetings. So, Donald Trump has TONS of brain damage. Gary Cohn, who is evil but NOT stupid, indeed tried his best to dissuade Trump from starting a trade war. When that didn’t work, due to the same principles involved in explaining the workings of a jet engine to a cat, Cohn had Rob Porter steal Trump’s trade-war papers off of his desk because they both knew that Trump has the attention span of a gnat that just sniffed a whole can of RAID.
This worked out swell — until Rob Porter’s security clearance was removed after it was discovered that Rob Porter has a history of violently abusing women. Once he and Cohn were gone, no one was left to stop Trump’s profoundly idiotic Trade-War idea.
This happened. No, really. No, it really did.
Bob Woodward, a guy who’s spent the past 60 years building street-cred for telling the truth, wrote about it in his book “FEAR: Trump in the White House”. I read it because I wanted to terrify myself to where I shake.
Sigh…
So, if you’re a farmer who grows soybeans and feels bad that you voted for Trump, rest assured China is getting LOVELY Soybeans from Brazil now, so you just have to wait for a new major country with billions of people to suddenly appear on Earth, or perhaps an alien species to sell soybeans to.
To the victors belong the spoils.
As Trump’s dwindling base is harshly and s-l-o-w-l-y learning, Trump’s victory hurts them directly, every day, in every way.
The sad part is… it hurts all the rest of us too.
Written by Steven W. Rouach.
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