Unhinged Dementia-Stricken Lunatic Rants for an Entire Hour On ‘Fox & Friends’
America’s Silliest Criminal Is MELTING… Trump is… Melting…
This week, “Fox & Friends” introduced an exciting new segment to their program where septuagenarians who are high on PCP and “tripping balls” can call into the show and rant incoherently the way a maniac would.
Shockingly, Donald J. Trump* decided to participate in this — despite it taking valuable time away from his busy schedule of tweeting and golfing, interspersed with screaming at the TV, and screaming at his staff, and screaming at Melania’s latest body-double**.
*(For clarity, Mr. Trump now prefers to be called by his NEW Rap Music nickname — D.J. Dotardius-Putin’s-DNA-Taste-Tester-East)
**(Due to the very high turnover rate for Melania body-doubles, they’re sometimes substituted with a White House-commissioned Melania styled mannequin and/or Mick Mulvaney wearing a wig).
Oh, and Donald had a lot to say!
First he babbled, then… he jabbered for a while before deftly segueing to prattling, followed by some rambling, and for his grand finale he blathered until he used up all the available oxygen in Washington D.C.!
A truly historic moment among many Trump-related historic moments.
The problem as I saw it… was the hosts of Fox & Friends. They foolishly took Trump’s call instead of rerouting it to a random Chinese restaurant or to qualified medical personnel. So,… bizarre and bone-chilling hilarity ensued.
From what I could gather, Donald is apparently upset that a group of normal and reasonably sane people want to end his various crime sprees and his rampant racketeering, just because it makes America look ‘low rent’! Donald wanted people to understand that he LIKES doing criminal things and that human laws from Earth or America truly have no bearing on him, whatsoever.
Of course, the three hosts of Fox & Friends used this opportunity to ask Trump some hard-hitting questions, due to their inherent journalistic instincts. They almost got to the bottom of what Trump’s favorite color is (he answered “carpet”) and what he had for breakfast. (A half-gallon of LSD mixed with some Windex and that piece of Mulvaney’s finger that he bit off ‘for protein’.)
Due to Trump not pausing his monologue to blink, or breathe, or collect his thoughts in a net,… the only other comments the Fox hosts were able to interject were “well”…, “but are”…, “so if”…, & “wow”.
So, what have we learned?
- Donald is a madman
- Donald is spiraling through the seas of dementia while skiing down an avalanche of criminality.
- Russia is saying: that Ukraine hacked the DNC because they want the US and NATO to drop sanctions that were put in place against Russia from when they blatantly, obviously, overtly, gleefully, whimsically, joyfully, and enthusiastically hacked the DNC and messed with our electoral process with great relish and delight.
- Trump is saying: that Ukraine hacked the DNC because he wants the US and Nato to drop sanctions that were put in place against Russia.
- ALL OF US SHOULD BE TERRIFIED. Here’s why. It’s weird when Russian-secret-service talking points are parroted by Trump and the GOP. It makes us suspicious about whose control they’re under, and whether it’s campaign donations via laundered rubles or compromising videos, or both, that dictate their actions.
So, EXCITED that a complete madman is in charge of all our fates, the military, and our nuclear codes? Let us know in the comments below because we just might be running out of time!
Written by Steven W. Rouach
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