We’re out.
CNN announcer: And as President Trump announces America’s exit of the historic Paris Agreement, we see the White House Ark main engines start up, and guests make their way aboard the generation ship that will provide them, their families and descendants refuge from a drowned Earth.
“Truly a beautiful sight to see here today some of America’s best and brightest kleptocrats and Party officials. Reince Priebus, Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell all there, shaking the President’s hand firmly before they make their way up the GOP Southern Boarding Gangway, the jazz band on the White House lawn playing a patriotically upbeat rendition of Abide with Me. A subtly and well-considered choice for the administration for today’s auspicious event.
“In the crowd there, Elon Musk, who as promised resigned from the President’s councils earlier today, and whose SpaceX logos are proudly displayed upon the symmetrical booster rockets that will assist the White House Refuge Ark To Make America Great Again into orbit. Once in orbit, the Ark will make its great journey to L1, better known now of course as Mar-a-Lago-North.
“Those 16 SpaceX boosters rockets, relatives of the Falcon Heavy that would have been an stepping stone to Musk’s now illegal plan to ensure a second home for humanity, will return later to a landing zone where they will offer short-term employment to those of us left behind on this doomed planet.
“In a few minutes, this broadcast from the White House grounds will finish as the White House Refuge Ark To Make America Great Again main engines reach full throttle and incinerate with extreme prejudice the ranks of media gathered to witness today’s epochal event.
“With that, I think you for watching, and invite viewer to join us in a final minute of silence for humanity.
“May God have mercy on our souls, for we know not what we have done.”
