White ̶P̶u̶n̶k̶s̶ Goods On Dope
So, I’ve been trying to persuade a friend to get herself arrested for fighting at the circus ... and, before you say anything, yes, I’m a bad influence but … whilst I may be charismatic, persuasive and, with a beguiling twinkle in my eye, suggest that something being a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t still be fun, so, you might like to do it (it’ll be a laugh) … I won’t be dishonest about either my intent or the nature of what I’m suggesting. I’m not a bad man: I limit the sublimation of my sadistic urges to satire and provocative ‘does he, doesn’t he mean it?’ windups ... and I don’t manipulate people; I’m nothing if not honest about my intent as I jump you from behind and rape your mind … I don’t roofie you or anything underhand — here ... does this smell of chloroform to you?
I’m no angel, but I’m not a demon either ... just a bad influence; it’s not my fault if people are easily led — really ... in all fairness ... I’m not to blame for their willingness to be led astray, am I?
But you knew that already; it’s not like I’m telling you anything new here ...
I even detailed some of my more family friendly adventures recently as well, did I not?
So, you see, I’m a bit of rascal, perhaps … a lovable rogue … but not evil, just a happy go lucky scamp.
Besides which, she thinks it’s a funny idea as well and, if it weren’t for the fact that she’s a responsible person with responsibilities, I reckon she’d be up for it, if she were honest about it —starting a knock-down brawl with the artistes at the circus ... that’s a great story to tell people when they ask why you got arrested/locked up!
Aaaaaanyway ...
The reason for that preamble is because … in more ways than one … it’s related to what I’m about to tell you here.
You see, I accidentally did kinda sort of a bad thing.
Not outright immoral ... or even ethically dubious, really; it was unintentional, after all ... I didn’t mean to do it, it was an accident
… like when you inadvertently shoot a refugee …
But, because I have so many different blockers and limiters and stuff in my browser... that prevent sites from doing things in my browser that I don’t want them to ... the site doesn’t get a chance to run all its little scripts and plugins when I first land on a page and, occasionally, I see things I’m not supposed to before I’ve finished unblocking and enabling all the things I consider it safe to unblock and acceptable to enable.
In fact, it wasn’t even an accident as such really ... more an unfortunate series of events, in that I stumbled upon the story and read it before I remembered to unblock the site and allow it to block me — oh, the irony.
It’s a good job I did though ... serendipitous really ... because, if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have read the below by Roy or been in a position to warn you now.
Read it and be warned.
Thanks to Poltergeist and The Ring, we’re all aware of the dangers of television … and I’ve known washing machines were bad news for forever now — I’ve been warning people about that for quite some time, after all …
But it looks like the problem might be spreading and maybe all white goods should be considered suspect from now on.
I’ve long suspected fridges were more than a bit off though.
They have that light, don’t they? You know, the one that lures kids to them and, instead of walking safely away, gets them to hang around its maw, trying to see if it stays on when the door closes ... all the easier to suck into the fridge and slam the door shut when the adults’ backs are turned ... a bit like an angler fish ...
And, if you’ve seen Hitchcock’s Wait Until Dark, you know they’ll be the death of you, if you’re blind!
And then there were all those public information films when I was a kid, telling us not to play in them when we found them in the street or on wasteland. I’d never have thought of ̶s̶h̶u̶t̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶o̶n̶e̶ playing in a deserted fridge until it was suggested it to me that way — so, what agenda did they really serve exactly?
So, beware both the washing machine and the fridge, people.
Of course, it could just be the age-old, time-worn tale of sordid substance abuse by household appliances …
But I reckon it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to keep a watchful idea on the dryer either (especially if it’s in the basement).
Maybe the dishwasher as well … just in case.
You never know, do you?
And it’s better to be safe than sorry.
