Who is Neil Gorsuch? Five Fast Alternative Facts about President Donald Trump’s Supreme Court Nominee
On Tuesday, Donald Trump announced his Supreme Court nomination of Neil Gorsuch, a 49-year-old federal appellate judge from Colorado. If approved, he will join the highest court in the United States. So, who is he? Here are a few alternative facts to fill you in.
He wears a locket containing Antonin Scalia’s hair.
Scalia and Gorsuch were fly-fishing pals, and to commemorate their friendship post-mortem, Scalia gifted Gorsuch a locket with his chest hair. Gorsuch wears the necklace everyday and he says he even showers with it on.
He owns two dogs, two horses, and two teenage daughters.
Gorsuch lives on a small farm in Colorado and owns his pets and children. As a cisgendered white man, Gorsuch is entitled to make anything his property. While he has never ruled on an abortion rights case, it’s clear he doesn’t value women’s health care.
He goes to Hobby Lobby for church.
Every Sunday, Gorsuch and his family go to the arts and crafts chain to pray to a corporate overlord made of popsicle sticks and glitter glue in aisle 5.
He opposes assisted suicide but loves 2004 film Million Dollar Baby.
Although Gorsuch wrote The Future of Assisted Suicide and Euthanasia, he welled-up when Frankie (Clint Eastwood) administered a fatal shot of adrenaline to Maggie (Hilary Swank) in Million Dollar Baby. Gorsuch is a such a huge Clint Eastwood fan that he once said, “I’d let Clint administer my euthanasia.”
He will be 49-years-old forever.
If approved, Gorsuch will be the youngest Supreme Court justice since Clarence Thomas (he was 43 at his confirmation in 1991). However, since he sold his soul to Donald Trump, he will remain 49 for the rest of his days.
