Why Trump’s Logic Around Sexual Harassment Should Be Taken Seriously.
When Ivanka Trump stood up in front of the Republican National Convention and declared that her father is “good for women”, as well as “color blind and gender neutral”, it seemed almost laughable. Donald Trump has been notoriously bad for women, and I’m not only referring to the ones who have been unlucky enough to marry and divorce him. There are countless examples of Trump’s sexism, from public insults to derogatory “compliments”, which paint a very clear picture of just how much (or little) respect Trump has for women. Even his own daughter has had to sit through painfully awkward comments her father has made about her physical appearance, and remember that we are only seeing what he’s willing to say on TV. Who can say what joys Thanksgiving dinners at the Trumps entail. But Ivanka’s speech was only hilarious in hindsight, because we all have to laugh to keep from crying. The harsh reality of what Ivanka Trump’s speech implied was that there is still such a deeply ingrained blindness to the issues around gender equality in our society that even women as strong and intelligent as Ivanka Trump are ignorant of them.
I was 18 years old when I was sexually harassed by a man my family trusted, and I’ve never spoken out. Then several other girls reported him, and I still didn’t speak out. I imagined myself walking into the courtroom, I still do, his sad frame slouched next to his lawyer. I imagine raising my right hand and swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God, I still do.At the time I was unable to admit I had been sexually harassed, and was vague when describing my experience to my family as to avoid any uncomfortable conversations. In all honesty, at the time, I didn’t realize just how ashamed of myself I was.
But there was something else that stopped me from speaking up. Someone close to me reminded me that if I reported this, I would be ruining a man’s life. A man who was married, with two young daughters, a dog, a house, a career. So, she advised only to speak up if I was absolutely sure that something had happened.
“Something” had happened, of course I knew this, and I think so did everyone else. But had something happened? How much did this something mean? Was it worth a life? A family? A house? A career?
So I stayed silent.
A couple years later I had a more traumatizing experience. Not one I’m comfortable or brave enough to write about publicly just yet. After it happened I could have reported it. I knew his name, I had his phone number. But after a conversation with a roommate I decided to stay silent.
“You probably wanted it.” She said, “Who knows the things we suppress in ourselves.”
I knew then that I hadn’t wanted it, that I would never have consented to it, but still I stayed silent. And I moved on — in some ways, and not in others.
When Trump was asked about the sexual harassment allegations currently being investigated against former FOX chief Roger Ailes, his response was sadly predictable. In an interview on July 24th with Chuck Todd, Trump said, “Some of the women that are complaining, I know how much he’s helped them…And when they write books….and say wonderful things about him….[Now, all of a sudden, they’re saying these horrible things about him.”
And this is just the kind of rhetoric that surrounds the issues of rape and sexual harassment in today’s news and media, as well as in households and schools. The huge misconception is that there can be no sexism where women are CEOs, or that there can be no bias where women make up a large part of a workforce, and this just isn’t true. The issue isn’t that women aren’t being allowed to work, it’s that they still face the same discrimination wherever they do work. The issue is not that there is no place to report sexual harassment to, it’s that women are being sexually harassed on a continual basis. There is a deep national distrust of women in our society, which the outrage or Hillary Clinton’s campaign can attest to, which ultimately leads to the questioning of women’s credentials, reliability, intelligence, and a silencing of voices that has continued over generations.
When asked what advice he would give his own daughter, Ivanka Trump, if she were sexually harassed in her place of work, he gave this response.
“I would like to think she would find another career or find another company if that was the case.”
What Trump actually said here is controversial, but even more so is what he didn’t say.
What he is implying is that he would advise his own daughter to stay silent. He would advise her to change aspects of her life so as not to change those of the man who harassed her. He would put the quality of this man’s life before his daughters, with no regard to the sacrifices she would make and the pain and humiliation she would endure. This struck a cord with me, being someone who has heard similar advice from a loved one. This isn’t just some crazy thing Trump said, it’s a symptom of a society that silences women. It’s something that people all over the world tell their daughters, their sisters, their employees. It’s a suspicion that has no place in the conversation. “Are you sure something happened?” “Are you sure they weren’t joking?” “Are you sure?”
On CBS’s Charlie Rose on “CBS This Morning” Eric Trump mirrored his father’s statements — but not without making them worse.
“Ivanka is a strong, powerful woman (…) I don’t think she would allow herself to be subjected to that.”
Let’s take a moment to really digest that statement.
Because this implication that strong, powerful women are immune to the symptoms of a patriarchal system is not only wrong and misleading, it is insulting to any woman, anywhere. Because not only can it happen, but it does happen, and it will keep happening.
“And, by the way,” he added, “you should take it up with human resources, and I think she would as a strong person.”
Yes, I would imagine Eric Trump and his father would imagine it would be perfectly easy to report their powerful male boss’s sexual advances. As powerful male bosses themselves they would definitely have a clear understanding of that process.
It must be difficult for men like Eric Trump and his father, men that hail from privilege and publicity, to fully comprehend the weight of a commanding hand on your wrist, or your leg. Of a forceful gaze or a shrouded threat, or the fear and the shame that comes with just a few minutes that feel like the longest hours of your life. I’m sure it’s hard to fully grasp the recurring waves of self-hatred, doubt, and helplessness that never quite leave you, or at least, not for long.
I couldn’t have been the only one hoping for a passionate yet diplomatic response from Ivanka Trump. One that decried the notion that strong women were immune to harassment or abuse, one that spoke to the bravery of women who do speak out, and the encouragement for more women to do so. When Ivanka Trump did respond via email, many news outlets likened her involvement to being dragged into something. One could argue she entered the debate when promising the republican party and the nation that her father was good for women.
“Harassment in general, sexual or otherwise, is inexcusable.” Read Ivanka’s emailed statement. “At our companies, we do not tolerate harassment of any kind. Our policies both on paper and in practice require that every complaint be fully investigated and if claims are substantiated, our H.R. team takes swift disciplinary action.”
And so with the dull thud of a failed attempt through a glass ceiling still ringing in our ears, we sit and imagine just how poisonous Donald Trump’s campaign is for women, and for everybody. How hard will the repercussions of the rationalization of sexist remarks and rhetoric fall on the American public? How long will it take us to recover?
We have to recognize that being “colorblind” isn’t a thing, and claiming to be so certainly doesn’t make you less racist, it makes you ignorant. Being “gender neutral” is definitely not a conceivable description for the current Republican nominee. We can’t fight biases by pretending they don’t exist.
So, we need to do much more than quietly pack up our desks and leave through the back door. We need our voices to be louder, if only to muffle those that refuse to hear us, that scream only to blot us out. I spent years trying to convince myself that I was and am a strong and powerful woman, despite and partly because of what I’ve endured. But I shouldn’t have had to struggle so hard for something that should never have been taken from me in the first place. Women should no longer have to fight to convince themselves and others of their worth, they should no longer have to make sacrifices, they should no longer endure their own silence — especially not at the delicate doll hands of Donald Trump.
