Friends and family
Reed: Who do people want to win?
Me: People usually want their own country to win.
Reed: Why?
Me: People love their home.
Reed: Mom and I were born here so we want the U-S-A to win.
Me: That makes sense.
Reed: You were born in Vietnam so you want Vietnam to win.
Me: Well, I was born in Vietnam but the USA is my home now.
Reed: Your family is here.
Me: Yes.
Reed: Except your dad.
Me: Except my dad.
We’re quiet.
I feel a hand on my hand. This is a big surprise not because he reached out. But, because we’re driving and he had to _really_ reach out.
I look over and see Reed frowning.
I touch his hand and remind him to sit back.
Me: What are you feeling?
Reed: I’m sad.
Me: Why?
Reed: Because you don’t have a dad.
Now, I am sad.
Me: Why is that sad?
Reed: I don’t know.
Me: Okay. What words do you think of when I say ‘Dad?’
Reed is still quiet.
Me: Well, I think ‘Family’ and…
I am stuck. Partly because I don’t want to tell Reed what words to think but also because I haven’t thought really about it.
Reed (Helpfully): And, ‘Ba.’
Me: Yeah. ‘Ba’ is a word I think of, too. And… hugs.
Reed: And… lots of hugs!
Me: Lots and lots of hugs.
Reed: Lots and lots and lots and lot…s of hugs.
Me: Hmmm… I can’t think of anything else.
Reed is quiet. But it’s the thinking quiet so I keep quiet.
Reed (Finally): And, nice.
Me: Nice is a nice one.
Reed: And…
Me: And GREAT!
Reed: No, no. Not great.
Hmph. I know this isn’t about me but c’mon, man…
Me (Irritated): OK, NOT great. Any other words?
Reed: Um…
Me: Um…
Reed: No.
Some part of me refuses to believe that ‘Dad’ is simply hugs and being nice so my ego and I press on.
Me: So, you are sad because you think I didn’t have ‘hugs, ‘Ba’ and ‘nice’ without a dad?
Reed: No, I am sad because you are sad.
I’m quiet.
Me: I don’t feel sad.
Reed: You looked sad.
I look in the rear view mirror at myself. A few minutes earlier, I would argue that I wasn’t sad. But, I’m not so sure now.
Me: Maybe I was sad.
Reed: Because you don’t have a dad.
Me: Well… maybe I am sad about not having a dad but I still felt like a son.
Reed: Because you have a mom.
Me: Because I had a family.
Reed: What if you didn’t have a family?
Me: You mean no brothers, no sisters or uncles or aunts?
Reed: Uh-huh. Not even cousins.
Me: Well, I had friends that felt like family. Some friends were my age, others older. Some I knew a long time. Others I didn’t see often.
Reed: Are friends family?
Me: Sometimes there’s not much of a difference.
Reed: I can be both, Ba.
You already are, buddy.
